we have a plan

i'm still at 171 or 172 lbs. my blood pressure is good at 121 over 75. and we have a plan.

my gyn ob is recommending "cervical ripening" (el Jefe' made comments about a mango ... rather appropriate). i asked if it was like an enema. he described it as medication on gauze that is applied topically, although internally. i'll be at the hospital, but i can eat and walk around. after about 12 hours, they'll induce me with pitocin. hooray. and if my cervix doesn't cooperate, in the immortal words of my Mormon coworker, "they have drugs for that." my ob gyn describes them as good pain relief for when he cuts my cervix. isn't that a pleasant thought? makes you look forward to the episiotomy, too.

he suggested we do it in the next five days, but i negotiated for the Holiday weekend.

so Tuesday, May 29th, i check in to the hospital at 8:00 pm.

unless Peanut decides to show up sooner, that's the plan.

for just one more weekend

so i'm torn between moving on with my life, our lives, with a new baby, and hanging in there uncomfortable, sore swollen feet, gagging on acid, waddling, exhausted all the time for just one more weekend. that being Memorial Day weekend, a three-day weekend for those of us in the working world (non-government employees) who have made it through Holiday drought since January.

i got a little spoiled the past two weeks. i told el Jefe' that no matter my condition, and no matter what my ob-gyn says, i wanted to go to the lake and ride our Jet Skis one last time. riding Jet Skis at the lake (the-largest-man-made-body-of-water-in-the-continental-United-States lake) has been part of our lives since summer 1998. just the two of us, or the whole family, or with friends and moochers, we've had countless hours of fun and enjoyment. we've toured, we've putted around, we've tubed, we've skiied, we've wake boarded, and it has been a blast.

so the past two weekends, we've spent a couple hours at the lake. the Saturday before Mother's Day, we could only get the red ski started, but el Jefe' and i took turns with Punkin, and even went for a family ride as a three-some. the red ski is a three-seater, capable of towing, and as stable as can be ... kind of like an SUV. we never got over 25 mph, but we had a great day.

yesterday, after el Jefe' purchased a new battery for the yellow ski, we went again. Punkin rode with his daddy for the first time on the yellow ski yesterday. the yellow ski has the same engine (1100 cc) and horsepower (120) as the red ski, but it's only a two-seater; definately the sports car among the two. we took a longer ride and went to the Dam. Punkin waved at sailboats and the big paddlewheel boat. and i hauled my gut onto the yellow ski for a short solo run, never went much over 20 mph, but told el Jefe' that one single short ride was worth the price of the battery.

the Jet Skis and trailer are for sale due to too many environmental restrictions up North. i feel like every ride is my last; the end of an era. we have vowed to continue this past-time when we move. but for now, if i could, i would like to have just one more weekend at the lake with my family.

i'm still pregnant

i'm still pregnant.

i've gained 25 lbs. my blood pressure is good. i've scored a 10 at monitoring sessions the past two weeks. and i've passed the duration i was pregnant with Punkin (37 weeks 3 days). my gyn ob has discussed the need to cut my cervix at my last two appointments. he has mentioned "good pain relief" both times. i wanted to go all natural, just to say i did, because i think i have a high tolerance for pain, because i didn't get the option with Punkin (my water broke and i was on Pitocin for 12 hours without dilating), but i guess that's not part of the plan. not like you get a gold medal, anyway.

i've got less than two weeks to go (i'm still not considering going over my due date, which i guess is a possibility.) el Jefe' is finally through the name book, but that doesn't mean we have any front runners. Peanut works just fine, right?

i didn't remove my engagement ring until i was in labor and delivery with Punkin. it's been off for a week now. i don't remember distinct elbows or karate kicks from the inside coming from Punkin, but apparently Peanut is a budding martial artist. i don't remember feeling as though the life force was sucked out of me (especially on weekends). i don't remember having such a hard time wiping my ass.

so sure, i'd like to be done with this part, but the thought of the next parts (Punkin while we're at the hospital, a new baby, breastfeeding, packing, and relocating 9 hours away) are a little more than i can fathom right now.

another day

we sucked at bocce ball. not really, we just lost two games right out of the chute, so we were doubly eliminated. no matter; we had fun. and eventually el Jefe' and i celebrated the anniversary of sorts.

thursday i felt awful. i have several coworkers who have been sick for weeks. upper respiratory. i felt a scratchy throat, and feverish, and a debilitating sense of exhaustion. it took everything i had to get Punkin to school. but somehow, i hung in there through the day. i was going to ask el Jefe' to cancel his day trip up North on Friday, but his meeting got cancelled so his trip was cancelled anyway. that was a relief.

thursday evening, my boss told me he has been reassigned. kind of a demotion. an undefined position (doesn't that sound familiar?) but they didn't fire him. i should've taken him for drinks and commiserated with him, but i'm not much fun in a bar these days. he made some comment how it didn't matter to me since i am having a baby. no, i told him, the baby just keeps me from worrying much about my career these days. it has been coming for months, and something needed to happen for months, and it finally did. his interim replacement got his graduate degree the year i was born. you could say he has some experience.

friday i backed my car into a trailer at Starbucks. pregnant women should not be allowed to drive. my own fault, my own stupidity. i swear, some of the panel pieces on my car are made out of paper. whatever. the damage is cosmetic. work was filled with lots of talk about my boss's interim replacement. oh, and i sent in the paperwork from my doctor to get me out of jury duty. that actually was a relief. or maybe my boss getting reassigned was a relief. i just felt better.

saturday we went jet skiing at the lake. we've been talking about it for a couple weeks. i know it was against doctor's orders, but it was important to me. removing and replacing the registration stickers made me sad. this activity has been a huge part of our lives for nine years. one ski needs a new battery so it didn't start. still, we all had a good day, and el Jefe' and i got sunburned (we're still feeling it).

Punkin spent saturday night throwing up. sunday was Mother's Day ( i got new jammies, perfume, and shampoo). and today's another day.

doctor's orders

another visit (weekly) to the ob-gyn. i'm at 36 weeks and a couple days. still 170 pounds, with a good blood pressure of 120/72. i'm tired and my feet hurt. the Peanut's head is not engaged, and my cervix is still "way back there". walk or have sex: doctor's orders.

i'm starting to wrap things up at work. i have two projects due at the end of the month that i have the feeling i'm not going to be able to sign. and it doesn't bother me. i've done more than my fair share, and it's time to move on.

el Jefe', Punkin, and i did the 5K walk for Race for the Cure on Saturday. this was Punkin's third year of participation. he got a giant popsicle, a very cool t-shirt that is finally a kid's size, and we all had a good lunch (brunch) afterwards. i'm glad we didn't miss it.

on Sunday, i bowled three games for Corporate Challenge. our team of five varies from year to year, but three of us have bowled together consistently for the past five years (or something like that). our Captain (a former professional bowler) and i carried the team even though we are both women. i bowled well for me: 152, 182, and 136. several people, both men and women, wished they were pregnant so they could bowl better. every pin was work, but again, i'm glad i didn't miss it this year.

tonight is Corporate Challenge Bocce. again, i've been the Captain for a number of years. this one is particularly special and near and dear to my heart, not because i've got a silver medal from years and years ago. it's special because it marks the fourth anniversary of Punkin's conception. we weren't trying, and we just never thought it would happen. i came home tipsy (i did not have a 12-pack of Foster's as el Jefe' tells the story, but i did have plenty) and el Jefe' and i made passionate love, and we didn't take any precautions. now we have one terrific little boy who is 28-months old today.

maybe el Jefe' and i will try to get labor started tonight. for old times' sake.

are you feelin' lucky?

so much to tell, yet my latest challenge takes the cake.

i'm 42. i'm in my ninth month of pregnancy, feasibly overcoming my age and cevical incompetancy risk factors. we don't have a name for the baby (other than Peanut). i work full-time outside the home in a career that i find unrewarding. my husband got a promotion nearly four months ago, and has been spending quite a bit of time over 400 miles away in a one-bedroom apartment. our home has been on the market, for sale, nearly three months without an offer. after the baby is born, we will relocate North, over 400 miles away. our two-year-old Punkin has been on a waiting list at day care in the North for over four months, with two more months to go. it will be two adults, two kids, and two dogs in a two-bedroom apartment (we have yet to sign a lease). one of the dogs is incontinent and 105 years old. i will transfer to an office with no physical space for me, so the two-bedroom apartment will serve yet another function ... my place of employment. i have no definitive job description or duties when i transfer North. i will be leaving behind my parents, aged 71 and 82, probably at a time when they need assistance most. we are looking at a potential IRS audit for the tax year 2005.

i got a jury summons in the mail for the end of May. four days shy of my due date.

what if

the traffic through our house in the South seems to be tapering off. i honestly don't know if anyone has been through the house in the past two weeks (tapering off to nothing). there are a ton of homes in the Valley on the market; the problem is excess inventory. but the only way i know to get some more interest is to lower the price. no matter what we'll make money. but it truly is an exercise in patience. we don't want to give it away. we want to protect our investment. but when do we say when? and how much is it going to take to find a buyer who will make an offer?

we've held off on scheduling the upgrade to the two bedroom apartment up North. what if only a third floor apartment is available? worse yet, what if there isn't one available? how many months will we be paying rent in the North and a mortgage in the South? yes, we've considered a renter in the South, but i'm worried about the liability of the pool. and the condition of the house. and then there's a down payment that would decimate our savings and we'd be taking on a mortgage more than double what we have now.

my work is basically handled. i have loose ends to tie up, but i've got enough back up plans in place that they can survive without me (and they will). el Jefe's employer is being relatively flexible ... he's a good employee and has not asked for any out-of-the-question concessions. that part of our lives is taken care of. (does it say something about ourselves that our own lives, our home lives, are not?)

i really haven't considered going over the Peanut's due date of June 2nd (May 33rd). early June, or really late May, seemed like a good time ... spend our last month, the month of June, in the South and relocate North at the beginning of July (maybe take advantage of a July 4th Holiday?). if the Peanut is late, and since my gyn-ob thinks i'm small, maybe he wants more baking time, the schedule shifts ... maybe a little less convenient?

and the big one ... what if Peanut is not the picture of health?

long and winding road

after a one week hiatus, i went to the gyn-ob on Tuesday. a whopping 170 lbs, with a decent blood pressure of 125/70. my weight gain is still ok ... i'm just a bit disgusted that i started out so heavy. the Peanut is not in position. my cervix is "way back there". i am small (or the Peanut is small). ya know, these are not very comforting statements.

when i was pregnant with the Punkin, i heard how large his head was at nearly every ultrasound (which is a lot when you are old and have the risk of an incompetant cervix). this time i've heard how large the Peanut's feet are, and how long and crooked the birth canal is. is it better not to know these things?

guess who's coming to dinner?

so my brother-in-law, the eldest's husband, got a letter from the IRS about owing back taxes from 2005 on rental property in Hawaii. fortunately, in his case, it is not identity theft. unfortunately, in my case, it is our rental property in Hawaii.

my parents named us all with the same first initial. i think they thought it was cute, especially having three girls. we were like little show ponies, and it really is quite sickening. the same first initial causing stuttering when aggravated. and they often go through the list of names, including the dog (who has a different first initial), in an attempt to exclaim the right name. coupled with this is the fact that they applied for our social security numbers all at the same time, and even though there are 6 years separating the 3 of us, we have consecutive numbers (appropriately mine is the smallest, middle has the middle, and the eldest has the largest).

so it could be the initials, or the proximity of the social security number, but it looks like we stand a very good chance of getting audited. it will most likely be the day the movers show up.

"sure, Agent Pain-in-the-Ass, the 2005 tax forms are in that box, that looks just like the other 150 boxes. do you mind breastfeeding this baby while i change Punkin's poopy diaper (with corn in it!)? oh look, here come some potential buyers of our house without an appointment ... maybe you can make sure the crippled one doesn't fall down the stairs? oh, and don't mind that wet spot ... it's just from the 105-year-old incontinent dog. sorry, el Jefe' couldn't be here. he had to drive 8 hours North to switch apartments, pay another deposit, and hump furniture alone across the parking lot because we don't know anyone up North and my family is worthless. we've paid taxes on this money several times ... that's the Hawaii way ... but we still owe you money? not just from 2005, but 2003 and 2004, too? oh here, let me write you a check. it's no problem at all because even though my company doesn't have maternity leave (or an office or cube for me to transfer to), i get 4 whole weeks at 66 2/3 pay. we've been running two households since February. hell, take Punkin's savings account while you're at it."

so with the Peanut, i am not concerned about consecutive social security numbers. but in terms of a name, i've omitted three letters from the alphabet (the first initial of my name, el Jefe's, and Punkin's). wow, it just doesn't get any easier than that.

dodging bullets

el Jefe' drove his Jeep Cherokee with 95,000 miles on it home on Saturday. it is a huge relief to have him home, even if he will be making day trips North a couple days a week. day trips are do-able. he's only a couple hours away. overnights are scarey; the last flight is at 10:00 pm; the first flight is at 6:00 am, and the drive is about 8 hours.

so we dodged that bullet, the "go into labor" bullet when the husband is over 400 miles away.

it's kind of like a saloon gun fight scene from an old spaghetti western. people shooting, and guys rolling under tables and diving over the bar for cover. broken glass and spilled alcohol everywhere, but nobody seems fatally hurt.

bullet No. 2: i did not come home to a dead dog in the past two months. it was a real possibility. how would i explain it to Punkin? how would i move her body, and where would i put it until i could take her to the vet to get her cremated? she's 105; she's incontinent; and her insides are a wreck (judging by the vet bills over the past two months) but she's still kicking. we used to think Abby wouldn't make the trip up North. looks like she's proving us wrong.

bullet No. 2.5: nothing seriously went wrong with the house while el Jefe' was gone. i am quite handy, but am somewhat limited due to my "delicate" condition. (this is all so "knock on wood".) our appliances didn't spontaneously burst into flames, or any of those emergency catastrophes that require immediate attention, muscle, and exorbitant amounts of cash in the past two months.

bullet No. 3: it does not appear my parents will be moving North anytime soon. it is not that i don't want them there; it would be so much easier to hop in the car and help if they need something, instead of flying or driving 8 hours in an emergency. i want them to make an informed choice for the right reasons. they looked at ONE retirement community. my mother actually said the homes were "lovely". they would downsize a bit. but it's a smaller community, and prices have risen drastically in the past 7 years, and it snows up North (duh). Paw Paw said they would only move there if we bought a house in the companion non-age-restricted community, where prices START $200,000 MORE than we are willing to spend. and it's not in an area conducive to either of our commutes.

so we're rolling and diving, and getting dirty and a little soaked in alcohol, but we don't have any mortal wounds. but there is that call i got on Saturday from a brother-in-law about a potential IRS audit ... ping!

growing old together

yesterday was el Jefe's 46th birthday. i realized he is getting closer to 50 than 40. i'm four years behind, but it is an astonishing prospect to be parents to two kids who aren't even teenagers when we're in our 50's. yikes.

he flew home yesterday morning and worked out of his Southern office. it's a crazy week for him. he flew North Sunday night, South Tuesday morning, North Wednesday morning, South Thursday morning, and North this morning (Friday). he's driving his Jeep Cherokee back South Saturday morning as he will be based out of the South the month of May in case the Peanut makes an early appearance.

his gifts weren't extravagant. i forgot to have Punkin scribble crayons on his card. i didn't even take him out to dinner. not even a cake. but that's the way the years has gone. thank goodness Punkin's birthday was before the chaos of the promotion and relocation. the rest of our events thus far have kind of fallen by the wayside (our anniversary, my birthday, and now his). i see this trend continuing through Mother's Day and Father's Day. maybe into the fall? hopefully not Christmas. oh well.

el Jefe' said the best present of all was being able to spend his birthday with his family. is it any wonder why i love this man?

without a paddle

did i mention my parents stated they would move North as well?

they began their journey on Sunday, opting to drive for 9 hours instead of taking the hour and 10 minute flight. that is something i will never understand. i don't know if it is the cost or a fear of flying. growing up, we rarely flew anywhere. my first airplane ride was to Germany (can't drive there!) when i was in the third grade. we even drove to Mexico (Acapulco, not just across the border) on one or two occasions. Paw Paw does all the driving. neither is a good driver. and el Jefe' reported on Monday that Paw Paw got a speeding ticket.

North is very different from South. it's more than the weather. it's population, elevation, and just the way of life. higher elevation, less population, and fewer established amenities. my parents have a large home in a retirement community. it is upscale, and their tastes are reflected quite differently than ours. lots of brass, oriental rugs, crystal chandeliers ... the middle describes every ceiling fan as something that fell off a Home Depot semi. they use china, and crystal, and real silverware. of course there is a difference due to their age and generation. our realtor, Linda, says there are only two retirement communities up North. there are two within 10 miles of our home in the South, and both are more upscale than the ones available in the North. i think they are going to be disappointed. as of Monday, el Jefe' reported Nonna was ready to come home.

el Jefe' and i attended a prepared childbirth refresher course yesterday evening. Punkin's godmother (Lola) and her 23-year-old daughter Courtney spent the evening with Punkin (notice my parents were conveniently out of town when we needed assistance?). my greatest worry is who is going to watch Punkin while i'm in labor. there is a part of me that thinks, and hopes it goes fast to limit our time apart from Punkin. and Lola and Courtney are on board if it's on a weekend. but they have jobs, and it is a little much to ask of them to miss work.

Paw Paw is 82 and has NEVER changed a diaper. ever. Nonna is 72 and has never changed one of Punkin's diapers. they'll have trouble with the stairs in our house. we worry that they won't or can't keep a constant eye on Punkin. they aren't conditioned to wake up from a nap at the sound of a pin drop. and there is too much for him to destroy at their house.

i learned over 20 years ago to ask for very little from my parents. help, whether physical or financial, comes with far too many strings attached. but now i'm left empty handed, no tools in the tool box for this one.

out of time

for a brief while, i would joke that my due date was May 33rd instead of June 2. June seemed so far away. and i kept thinking i would get so much done in the month of May. Yes, Punkin was born in the midst of my 37th week, and second babies can come sooner, but they can come later as well. it's starting to sink in; and it's starting to scare me.

i fell apart Friday afternoon. i just hit the wall and couldn't push myself forward anymore. i spent the last hour of work downloading house listings from the North, thinking it was something el Jefe' and i could discuss this weekend. (fat chance). i left to pick up Punkin, and we went to the airport to pick up el Jefe'.

i had good intentions about going to volleyball. i packed some clothes for el Jefe', and brought a cooler with a couple of fake beers, and Punkin's stroller. but the exhaustion kicked in full force, and i could not fight the overwhelming urge to lay down. i started to cry. i felt i had let down our friends. Punkin wanted to go to the park where we play volleyball. i felt i let him down, too. we ended up spending the evening at home. Punkin and el Jefe' even left me alone while they went to get burgers for dinner. i napped intermittently.

i had a horrible fear that i would go into labor this weekend without even considering a name for the Peanut. i at least got through girls names this weekend. rather like house hunting up North, nothing is a stand out, but it's a start.

i had a couple contractions this weekend. maybe it's Braxton Hicks, or maybe we're getting ready to throw our chaotic lives into another tizzy.

i bowled three games on Sunday (a practice session for Corporate Challenge). it was supposed to be a try-out, but only 4 of us showed up. i also worry that i will be in labor the day of the event. i'm going to get some back-up. i was glad to have the opportunity to practice. i didn't know how it would go, being shaped like an oompah loompah and all. i actually did pretty well (142, 126, 136 or something like that). and it was kind of fun.

el Jefe' went back North for a day or so. i made him carry a free ticket with him just in case he needs to immediately catch a flight. Punkin burst into tears and was inconsolable after we dropped el Jefe' off at the airport for most of the drive back home. he says he wants to go to the apartment and he wants to go up North. again, i feel like i'm letting him down. he's going to miss his friends, our friends, Nonna and Paw Paw (and Gabbie) and his teachers. he's only two and it breaks my heart.

i had a dream last night that el Jefe' could not get back while i went into labor. in the dream, the nurses left instructions to put Punkin in a cab. a cab to where?

i came to the conclusion i am not the picture of a glowing happy pregnancy. i don't think if things were less complicated i would behave any differently; i would just have a new list to worry about. it could really be just a couple weeks. and frankly, i'm not ready.

here come the tears

so the uncontrollable crying started yesterday. it started due to a bad day, a bad mood. i took diapers and pull-ups into Punkin's classroom. the cabinet door was screwed shut so there was no place to put them. there were 18 or 19 kids in toddlers and twos (two teachers, so they were barely met the prescribed ratio). and the director was sending in the kitchen lady as reinforcement. hurray.

i had a gyn-ob appointment. i was a little late, so the waiting room was full. full of expectant moms, and their significant others. one other was sleeping on the couch. i was the oldest woman in the wating room who wasn't on hormone therapy. i was one of two women in the waiting room without a spouse. i was the only pregnant woman in the waiting room wearing clothes suitable for a job outside the home (who wasn't wearing shorts and flip flops). it did nothing for my self esteem.

my stats were 167 pounds with a blood pressure of 118/69. so i've gained a total of 20 pounds at 33 weeks. i went into the restroom to pee in a cup and the thought crossed my head that i'm doing nearly everything right, and i started to cry. the numbers are right, but i don't feel like i'm doing a good job. and then someone tried to open the door to interrupt my pee in a cup session twice. as i exited, i thought, "you aren't any more pregnant than me. you can wait." no sympathy from me, especially when i have to go back to work to get ready for a public meeting this evening and you can go home and watch Oprah. (not that i want to watch Oprah; it's just an example.)

i read about the ring for birth control on a poster in the exam room. and i started to cry again. i forgot my paperwork for FMLA and STD (short term disability, not sexually transmitted disease). Peanut's heart rate is good. although i measure a little small, the Peanut is good-sized at 4 lbs 4 oz last week. my gyn-ob cancelled my appointment for next week, but said i'm going to have a baby in the next 3 to 6 weeks. we don't have a name, and it doesn't seem real.

time is running out interms of getting everything done before the Peanut arrives. i am struggling to meet my work committments. i was nearly late to the public meeting (they started early) but i had the easels and displays. so fire me.

Punkin's godmother is going to watch him next week while we go to a childbirth refresher course. the uncontrollable crying is right on schedule; i cried through nearly all of the childbirth class when i was pregnant with Punkin. i suggested to el Jefe' we all get together this weekend so that goes a little smoother. Punkin says nearly daily that he doesn't want to go to Romper Room (where he spends an hour while i swim when el Jefe' is up North). i feel bad that he says that. el Jefe' says Punkin probably won't have to go anymore with his work/travel schedule. but i just feel bad that i can't keep up, that i'm not ready, and that my one hour of swimming a day or two a week has left such a negative impression on my son.

and we can't reschedule a new baby.

wallowing in self pity

i'm up at 4:30 am most mornings, but i can't get my kid to school until after 8:00 am. i can't get dinner on the table until 7:30 pm (we shoot for 8:00 pm bedtime for Punkin, but it's more like 8:30 pm with me). what's wrong with this picture?

no one has given me a hard time. it is self-induced. i have co-workers that understand, that recognize i am a part-time single parent who's 8-months pregnant. el Jefe' acknowledges i'm doing the best i can. but i'm back to feeling like a shitty mom and a shitty engineer.

i have deadlines at work that i am barely meeting. i have a public meeting tonight and we are still preparing our exhibits. i think i have a traffic control submittal due on Friday and i haven't seen the drawings for the past two weeks. i have a cost proposal due on Friday for a project that is supposed to be complete August 31 (not a lot of lead time). i have final specs due April 30th that i effectively haven't touched in a month. and i have to finalize the stupid arterial job to bid documents before i go on leave. oh, and i'm being pressed to find a replacement for my parking lot job because it is supposed to finalize at the end of August as well. fire me. it's not like i'm getting a lot of satisfaction and reward from my job and career lately.

some friends from volleyball want to throw us a baby shower/winning season/congrats on your promotion/moving party. i feel bad about the baby shower. we make more money than all of these friends, and they threw us a wonderful shower for Punkin. we are frugal and have saved nearly everything. the only things we need for the Peanut are a new infant car seat, a new diaper bag, and a name. both el Jefe' and i want to focus on the championship volleyball season last fall. i'd like to celebrate el Jefe's promotion, and moving, well, it could be a lot worse. timing is an issue. el Jefe' drives back a the end of April. first week of May is a work conference, Race for the Cure, some corporate challenge stuff and Cinco de Mayo. second weekend in May is Mother's Day. and with a due date of June 2 (May 33rd) i'll be in my last month, when anything can happen. so with all of that, i feel like a shitty friend, too.

i squirted tuna juice all over my front making dinner last night. i bashed into a pseudo tupperware cake cover that Punkin uses as a step stool and bruised the top of my foot (and kicked said cake cover across the room). i just about pee'd my pants i was so frustrated and angry. so i went into the bathroom and cried. Punkin watched, and followed, and stood there helpless. Punkin didn't get any fruit last night, and we didn't read any books.

and there are so many worse things in the world.

everything's coming up dandelions

my friday the 13th got better or worse, depending on your perspective. i broke a coffee cup that i have been using at work for the past 15 years. it was a departure gift from my co-worker at the DOT (who is now in something like the number 2 position? and i'm just a schmuck) who also was a student in college with me. i don't have much memorabilia from my college days, so it definitely had some sentimental value. i didn't have a lot of fun in college, and for the most part i write off my past, but still, it was a loss.

Punkin's woobie was recovered, though! his teacher had stashed it during painting. we traveled up North with both woobies. that was a good thing.

i solo'd with Punkin coming and going this weekend. that meant taking the dogs to the vet/kennel solo as well. Punkin ends up short on his nap (he gets one, but not enough), but is very entertained by looking out the airplane window. on both trips we have had very little waiting time at the gate, partly because i have cut the time so close, and then we get to preboard. no one got hurt, so it was a relative success story.

the worst of it is a lingering depression. i don't look forward to being alone with Punkin. i can manage his basic needs, but he seems to have more fun with el Jefe'. and he is very sad when el Jefe' is gone. this is just temporary, and for the next couple months it is only a couple days a week. but Punkin misses el Jefe' (and i do, too.)

we saw some good houses this weekend. nothing we both fell in love with, but that's ok because we did not have a single soul go through our house in the South while i was gone for the weekend. we want to settle down when this is all said and done, and the prospect of the two bedroom apartment with two kids and two dogs is very real. and it's a minimum of $1,200 down the toilet each month until the house in the South sells. so it's financial worry, too.

and as much as i haven't pressed the issue at work, my transfer is still undefined. there are hints that my company will not cover relocation. i am initiating the transfer, so i should cover the costs. i wouldn't complain, but i know of countless employees who left our office to go to other offices in other states with the company, for personal reasons, who were well compensated. so i don't have a position, and i don't have a physical space to relocate to (work or home for that matter), and i don't have a lot of financial support from my employer. talk about career planning ...

losin' it

i lost a bracelet on Monday. i'm not big on jewelry, mainly because i don't change it or take it off regularly. el Jefe' has purchased me some wonderful earrings, but i tend to wear the same pair day after day. he gave me an awesome thumb ring for my birthday; it has become part of my standard wardrobe. that, and my wedding ring. i wore bracelets late in my pregnancy with the Punkin. they were gifts, and made me feel a little more feminine, or prettier. i don't remember when i stopped wearing them, but i started up again about a year ago (after i exchanged a pair of earrings from el Jefe' for a bracelet for our anniversary).

anyway, i lost a bracelet on Monday. it was relatively thin, plain, white gold, with a hinge (not a chain). of course it was a gift from el Jefe'; i believe an anniversary gift. it wasn't extremely valuable, but it was invaluable because of the sentimental value, and because it is very difficult to believe you are even slightly attractive when you are shaped like an oompah loompah. i remember putting it on in the morning. i noticed it missing when i was taking off my jewelry to go swimming (in the car, so that narrows down the places it could be). still, it is lost.

i had a growth ultrasound on Tuesday. everything looks good with the Peanut, who is estimated at 4 pounds, 4 ounces. i was at 32 weeks, 3 days. my next appointment with the maternal/fetal specialist is at 37 weeks for fetal monitoring. Punkin was born at 37 1/2 weeks, so they joked that they might not even see me. some joke.

i went to a "marketing" dinner as part of a conference Wednesday night. you could say i had the equivalent of a pregnant woman's bender. i had cranberry juice and pineapple juice at the hosted bar. woo hoo. i went to dinner with 12 extremely nice people. the restaurant was struggling, and we weren't served until two hours after our reservation. i didn't get home until 10:45 pm (way past my bedtime). i've been more than beat this week, and that topped it off. i have another conference the first week in May. i'm dreading it. i'm too old for this.

Punkin pee'd on the big potty for the first time (in my presence) yesterday morning! he did so well. el Jefe' mentioned they have been talking about it at school, and they are working with him. unfortunately when i dropped him off (with his woobie) yesterday, the woman from the kitchen was watching his class. she's not a teacher, and she barely speaks English. she has a "survival" personality with the kids, and well, i doubt she would get it if i asked her to work with Punkin on potty training. when she's there first thing in the morning, Punkin typically doesn't have a good day. well, we don't know what happened, but his school wobbie is missing. lost. awol. thank goodness we have one at home, but this is serious.

last night after el Jefe' left for the airport, home woobie was missing. i scoured the house, upstairs and downstairs. Punkin asked, but didn't help much. turns out home woobie was in the garage. (the garage!)

how i would love for this Friday the 13th to bring a bracelet and a woobie home to their rightful owners.

mission accomplishments

April may be off to a slow start in terms of blogging frequency, but man! have i gotten a lot done.

my company awards celebration was a major milestone. 5 months of work, while very rewarding, 95% is on my own time. (95% of very little is not very much.)

we finished filing this weekend! i started the filing (piling) process Saturday morning. after an hour and a half it was apparent my belly was in the way and it was about the least comfortable thing i could do. el Jefe' took over. i gave him some space and took Punkin to the grocery store and Borders. he needed the space because we piled receipts and statements in the loft which is very open and airy (visible to all, and no door); when Punkin first saw it he said, "Somebody made a mess" and proceded to try to "help" clean it up.

and, we finished our taxes! normally it is at least a two weekend ordeal, and normally a twelve pack of beer is involved. of course i bitched and moaned (Paperwork Reduction Act my ass) and (boy do i have some suggestions for making the form easier) but i kept it to a minimum. we seriously were considering filing for an extension, especially since the Punkin and i are making our last trip North (for awhile) this coming weekend to look at more houses that we can't buy. i don't believe i've ever filed for an extension. it's not so bad, but really an indication that the first quarter of 2007 flew past without a breather.

we colored eggs on Saturday with a kit that was probably 9 years old. when we first moved into our home, my stepdaughter was supposed to visit for Easter/Spring Break. el Jefe's divorce decree states that he must provide a separate bathroom for his daughter, and that wasn't possible until we moved into this house. her mother fucked up the trip (a pattern we are forever dealing with) and the flights went unused. the excuse was she was going to an Easter egg hunt on the White House lawn, and that would be the last year she would appreciate it, and the fact is they never made the Easter egg hunt on the White House lawn because they couldn't wake up on time to get there. (yes, i am bitter.) so we put the coloring kit to good use with Punkin. it was a tie-dye kit and it rocked! unfortunately, coloring eggs is probably a traumatic experience for Punkin because he fell off a full size kitchen chair twice onto the tiled floor. he shook it off fairly quickly, but it shook me up the whole weekend.

oh, and that tumble down the stairs (ass over tea kettle) when el Jefe' went to grab him, but his shirt got caught on the banister, so it appeared he hesitated and stood there helpless.

did i forget to mention going to the emergency room is not part of the plan?

the sentiment is "why bother?"

my company employee recognition awards celebration was a relative success on Monday. i was one of the first to arrive at the Cheesecake Factory, and told the servers i needed to order first being that i am pregnant, the world's slowest eater, and had a major speaking role in the festivities. i wasn't served first, but i wasn't served last. i ordered water three times before it arrived (with dessert?). the service i received was not worthy of an automatic 18% gratuity, but i think i was the minority among the nearly 50 attendees. the president of my company arrived via corporate jet, made his first visit to our office in the 9 years i have worked for the company, and brought along the super-dooper award winner's director (who actually hired her, which is pretty cool). a couple people said "thanks". and of course a couple complained.

my latest stats from my Tuesday appointment with the ob-gyn were tonnage at 166 lbs and a good blood pressure of 118/71. i was at 31 weeks and 3 days, and the Peanut's femur measured at 31 weeks 2 days. again, everything is nearly "perfect". my epiphany is that pregnancy is just a pain in the ass; and it's the first year that really worries and frightens me (and i have to admit i dread a little).

i obsessed Tuesday evening through Wednesday. see, i forgot to flush the powder room toilet and of course we had someone come look at the house. it was just pee with paper and even though el Jefe' was home Tuesday night, and Punkin loves to put toilet paper in the potty, i'm certain it was my fault. (besides, Punkin like to flush, too). then i realized if someone isn't going to buy our house because i forgot to flush the toilet, chances are they aren't go to buy this house at all.

and another classic stupid moment for mommy: Punkin and i got home kind of late (for coming straight home, not late for either of us going swimming). i got close to the house and noticed someone had parked out front. it apeared the key was out of the lock box. so, i figured the house was being shown, (again!) (yet unbeknownst to me, but that happens a lot) detoured a block, and unloaded Punkin to go play in our neighborhood park. Punkin and i sat at a picnic table, he climbed and went down the slide several times, he crawled across the whole park twice pretending to be a doggie, he got to pet one friendly doggie (out of two), he took a tumble from the top of the picnic table all the way to the ground, and he cried and he hit and he swore when it was time to go. and it was not a potential buyer parked out front, so dinner was late, and bath night was late (and Punkin's bath water was the nastiest it has ever been).

i stayed up past 11 pm downloading and map-questing houses up North from Linda. nothing looks like a "wow" on paper, but the "must-see"s last weekend weren't even shortlisted, and the shortlisted houses weren't "wow"s on paper.

still, i'm having trouble getting things accomplished at work; we haven't gotten an offer on our house; we haven't narrowed down a neighborhood up North; and we aren't going to file our taxes on time (but we are filing for an extension). fortunately i do not have any income from this blog to declare. gee, i wonder why.

new (used) homes

in case i failed to mention my stats from my last ob-gyn appointment, i'm at 164 lbs with a blood pressure of 116 over 69. 30 weeks, and the Peanut should be at 3 lbs. i'm on track for "perfect" weight gain. it sure doesn't seem that way.

El Jefe' flew in Wednesday night. he had a couple meetings as an excuse for the trip, when in reality he was helping me fly with Punkin for a house hunting trip up North. my excuse(s) for the trip were a dinner where a major client was the featured speaker, and the Northern celebration of our company awards program on Friday. Punkin was thrilled to see his Daddy, and kept talking about going North (even to his teachers at school). despite the hustle and bustle, a missed nap, and a soaked diaper, we accomplished our goals without going to the emergency room ... which is not part of the plan.

we met our Northern realtor, Linda, on Friday afternoon and looked at 5 houses. it wasn't quite as easy as it sounds when you consider transferring Punkin's car seat into another vehicle, and chasing Punkin around unfamiliar homes and yards. maybe a misplaced nick-nack, and a destroyed Lego creation, but nobody got hurt. Saturday included 7 houses. more in store today.

the first house was built in the 50's. some of the original fixtures were retained. it was a 3-bedroom with an office with the laundry room in the closet of said office. still, it stayed high on the list for quite sometime. we ended the day in a hilly area, which charmed el Jefe' and me. we both agreed we liked the location, but the houses started to melt together, and no one property had everything we were looking for.

el Jefe' wants a fireplace (or two). sounds trivial to some, but our house in the South where temperatures can exceed triple digits from the end of May through September has two fireplaces. we enjoy them in the winter months. that's just who we are. Linda won his heart on Saturday when she said, "You're paying $489,000. You should have a fireplace if you want one." well put.

i say i want four bedrooms. Master, Punkin, Peanut and guest. i guess at this stage of the game, not knowing Peanut's sex is highly influencing my request. if she's a girl, she can bunk with Punkin for awhile; if he's a boy, perhaps much much longer. or the boys might need their own spot. and you've gotta have a room for grandma (although i'd like to stick each and every one of the grandparents on the futon since they have the uncanny ability of visiting at their convenience, and never when i need their help). it doesn't rule out a house with three bedrooms and an office, but we still want an office, too. so i can quit my job as an engineer and pursue my career in writing by blogging (ha ha ha).

then i realized i'd like a formal dining room. arghhh! what's wrong with me? basically, we have a nice, large (massive) southwestern-style dining room table with six chairs. we maybe use it for one dinner a year, and for parties (it comes in handy when you lay out a buffet), and a place to drop our bags of shit and mail at the end of a day. it's a nice table. and a good place to spread out and do our taxes (this year, we're filing for an extension, prolonging the agony, hurray!)

el Jefe's number 1 from day one was a rambling 3100 square foot beast in a hilly area. oh, it had plenty of rooms. one official bedroom was downstairs. there was an awesome hot tub room, but not off the master. there were stairs and stairs and stairs ... whether you came in the garage or through the front door, you were humping groceries a full level.

my number 1 from day two was a vintage 60's ranch in an awesome neighborhood. the only reason the house is in our price range (which yes, any banker will tell us we can afford more, but we just aren't going to go there) is because nearly everything in the house was original (and needs updating). it has gorgeous wood floors, a formal dining room, an office behind the garage, storage galore, and three large bedrooms. it reminds me a little of the house i grew up in. it has a "grandma's house" feel to it.

el Jefe's number 1 from day two was atleast 20 years newer. again, three bedrooms with an office. no formal dining room. and a laundry room on the second floor. yuck. another humping groceries house, but it did not seem as high. and all the bedrooms were upstairs. not a bad choice, but not my first choice.

we saw several homes that had one very nice level and one very scarey level ... think "monsters in the basement", but we didn't see any monsters. so the 60's house needed updating. it didn't need some gasoline and a match to start all over from scratch. and really, we haven't found a perfect backyard. even though we're looking at yards two or three or more times bigger than the one we have in the South, we haven't fallen in love. they may have a hot tub, or place for a hot tub, but they might have some major slopes, retaining walls, separate levels ... or they might just be paved.

we appreciate our house (in the South) so much more.

and we're trying to get Punkin to understand this one bedroom apartment is our home up North. it really is home, because we're all together.