guess who's coming to dinner?

so my brother-in-law, the eldest's husband, got a letter from the IRS about owing back taxes from 2005 on rental property in Hawaii. fortunately, in his case, it is not identity theft. unfortunately, in my case, it is our rental property in Hawaii.

my parents named us all with the same first initial. i think they thought it was cute, especially having three girls. we were like little show ponies, and it really is quite sickening. the same first initial causing stuttering when aggravated. and they often go through the list of names, including the dog (who has a different first initial), in an attempt to exclaim the right name. coupled with this is the fact that they applied for our social security numbers all at the same time, and even though there are 6 years separating the 3 of us, we have consecutive numbers (appropriately mine is the smallest, middle has the middle, and the eldest has the largest).

so it could be the initials, or the proximity of the social security number, but it looks like we stand a very good chance of getting audited. it will most likely be the day the movers show up.

"sure, Agent Pain-in-the-Ass, the 2005 tax forms are in that box, that looks just like the other 150 boxes. do you mind breastfeeding this baby while i change Punkin's poopy diaper (with corn in it!)? oh look, here come some potential buyers of our house without an appointment ... maybe you can make sure the crippled one doesn't fall down the stairs? oh, and don't mind that wet spot ... it's just from the 105-year-old incontinent dog. sorry, el Jefe' couldn't be here. he had to drive 8 hours North to switch apartments, pay another deposit, and hump furniture alone across the parking lot because we don't know anyone up North and my family is worthless. we've paid taxes on this money several times ... that's the Hawaii way ... but we still owe you money? not just from 2005, but 2003 and 2004, too? oh here, let me write you a check. it's no problem at all because even though my company doesn't have maternity leave (or an office or cube for me to transfer to), i get 4 whole weeks at 66 2/3 pay. we've been running two households since February. hell, take Punkin's savings account while you're at it."

so with the Peanut, i am not concerned about consecutive social security numbers. but in terms of a name, i've omitted three letters from the alphabet (the first initial of my name, el Jefe's, and Punkin's). wow, it just doesn't get any easier than that.