e-mail to my family

Hello All,

Since i unfortunately was the messenger of this controversial subject, i first would like to state that moving the venue was NOT my idea, NOR did i have any say in the matter.

The timeshare resort selected by dad has the following website : www.tahoeseasons.com
It is in South Lake Tahoe, which is in the State of California. Last i knew, gambling was limited to Indian (Native American) Casinos in California. The gambling age in Nevada is 21. It is illegal for the kids under the age of 21 to play slot machines, or video poker, or black jack (even War!) for that matter. Parents and guardians are responsible for monitoring their children’s activities (so you have to escort your children through a casino so they don’t stick a quarter in a machine). Nevada also passed a smoking ban in the November election. Although smoking is still allowed in casinos, it is not allowed in establishments that serve food. i believe if a bar sells food, then smoking is prohibited in the bar as well. So, the kids under the age of 21 will not be subjected to smoke when they are illegally throwing down their tequila shots (the drinking age in Nevada is 21 as well). The timeshare resort is a non-smoking facility, and does not allow pets.

We are basically in separate hotel rooms, whether it is in Zion or Lake Tahoe. Granted, they are hotel rooms with amenities, but it’s not like the condo experience we had in Steamboat. Separate families, separate bedrooms. If you choose to bunk up, that’s your prerogative. el Jefe' and i will not be sharing with anyone but our immediate family. The Peanut probably won’t be on solid food, and i probably won’t have access to sterilization and refrigeration, so Iill be tied a three-hour schedule the entire time in either location. That’s my penance.

You can camp at either place. Feel free to haul all your camping equipment. i’d offer up ours, but we’ll be hauling all the baby equipment. i know you cannot get a campsite at Zion for less than $10/night. This is about mom and dad’s 50th anniversary, and not our dream vacation. We could be forking out thousands upon thousands of dollars to host them a dinner in Chicago. Can you hear my silent screams of horror?!?

Geography 101: Lake Tahoe is 55 miles from Reno/Tahoe International Airport. The drive is approximately 1 hour, 15 minutes. Don’t let the International fool you. i believe there are two sets of gates with less than ten gates at each. Zion National Park is 170 miles from McCarran International Airport (Las Vegas). The drive is approximately 2 hours, 40 minutes. The airports are 460 miles apart, or a 9 hour drive. Our father will be on the cusp of 83 years old, and will most likely drive to either destination. Having him behind the wheel for 2 hours is less detrimental to the traveling public than 10 hours. The Florida Keys were discussed between the middle and me, but eliminated because dad will drive. All i can say is fortunately they do not have a car seat; we use that excuse often so as not to endanger our son.

Middle: Please ask your Zion local friends about availability of fishing. We have been in a horrible drought for many years. That includes Utah, as the Virgin River also provides water to Lake Mead. el Jefe', step daughter, and i were at Zion in 2003 and the Virgin River was flowing at 10% of capacity at that time. i know no one will particularly care about the quality of fishing, but i’m just hoping there is some water to throw a line into. i guess the same applies to tubing. Not sure the weather that time of year will be all that conducive to tubing, but it won’t matter if you’re scraping your bottom on rocks.

Since everyone has such negative things to say about Nevada, i'd just like to add that Zion is located in Utah, a state filled with bigotry and hypocrisy. i think that’s the penance you pay for all the beauty in the scenery. i lived and worked there, and paid taxes there, so i have a right to say that. i believe you can protect your children from gambling and smoking much more so than you can bigotry and hypocrisy.

Neither mom nor dad is about earthly beauty, hiking, peace and quiet, etc. They can appreciate that from the car window. They have done Zion as a day trip. They still enjoy outlet mall shopping and eating protein and carbs. They will be disappointed by the restaurants in Zion. Mom just wants someone to spend money on her. Dad made reference to “providing for my family” (offering up timeshare units), plus we suspect he got a letter saying he has timeshare points to burn (use it or lose it). This gives you an idea where they are coming from. Why Tahoe vs Zion? The only reason they’ve been married 50 years is because they cannot communicate with each other.

Similarly, i know that mom and dad would prefer color photography. If you insist on black and white, you will have to colorize their prints for them to show any amount of gratitude. i have no preference.

Please don’t imply that Lake Tahoe is a concession for el Jefe', Punkin, Peanut and me. We have not asked for any help in any way from mom and dad, and have not received any in return. They have never spent time alone with Punkin. They have never even changed one of his diapers. They conveniently went on a time share thing in San Diego (and then to LA) when we were just getting ready to put our house on the market (can you say honey-do? How about when you’re six months pregnant?) and el Jefe' was moving up North. They are going up to Tahoe in April on a timeshare thing during el Jefe’s birthday and our childbirth refresher course. i personally am frustrated by their empty offers, but el Jefe' and i agree that sometimes no help is better than the risk of the alternative.

i have told dad that i have no preference, and plans have been made. i asked not to be put in the middle of this. Just like everyone has their stereotypes, everyone has their perceptions. i don’t have the time or energy to fight, but i also don’t have the time or energy to raise two more children (who happen to be celebrating their 50th anniversary).

i really do look forward to seeing you all in October. el Jefe' and i will most likely need the escape from the two bedroom apartment, with two kids and two dogs (if Abby makes it that long). At least we’ll be together.

so much material, so little time

a desperately needed, relatively quiet weekend.

five days of single parenting really wore me out. i needed naps oh so badly. another week is here, yet i don't dread it quite so much because i accomplished a few things, and it should be a short week.

i framed 45 certificates for my company's awards program. 9 stores, 3 varieties, and only one had broken glass. i had to build 4 of the frames, and the worst was that they were a bit more time consuming. the ready-made frames from Michael's were the best. the ones from Aaron Brothers lacked quality control. that part is almost done.

a couple more potential houses to preview next weekend. some possibilities. no real dream homes, but since we don't have an offer on our house, it's not time critical, yet. the worst of it is el Jefe' and i are both feeling the financial crunch of maintaining two households. we'll just make more money, and spend more money, and thankfully i have some savings to fall back on.

my dad wants to relocate their 50th anniversary celebration. even el Jefe' said i handled it well. whatever. the middle has made most of the plans, and is sticking to her guns. she has more energy than i do to fight that fight.

at swimming lessons last week, and at the park this weekend, i saw some shining examples of poor parenting. i don't feel so bad.

and now it's time to obsess on taxes. it's time for a good rant, don't you think?

buy this house

http://www.realestate.com/axx/applications/cob/asp/NSHomeView.asp?homeid=22564534

our home has been been on the market for about a month. we've had nine showings, and one repeat, maybe two, if you count the guy (realtor) who approached me in the driveway to "preview" our house for his clients. it's a soft market. our realtor told us to expect 4 to 5 months. there are a lot of homes on the market in our area. statistically, only 10 percent sold last year. we can't move until the end of June, giving the Peanut about a month outside my belly. or maybe i'm just making myself feel better.

we're taking a trip up North next weekend to look at homes. we are not is a position to buy, as el Jefe' and i are too conservative to carry 3 mortgages. i've downloaded maybe 50 properties. we've shortlisted something like 15 to view between Friday and Sunday afternoon. the more i look, and the more i stay here, the more i love this house.

it's not perfect. i used to say it was too big for us, although we had room to grow, and we didn't plan on growing, and we didn't grow until we'd been here 7 years. i'd like another bedroom now that Peanut is on the way, but as coincidence would have it, we're relocating 450 miles away so eventually we might have that extra bedroom. it has a wonderful open floor plan. it has a separate dining/living room, which i never thought i'd want, but it's great for a dining room table for holiday dinners, buffets at parties, and a little escape from the kitchen/family room (translation: another place to store Punkin's toys). it has a view. it has a fireplace and jetted tub in the master, and we put in a pool and hot tub, and have spent every year cultivating our back yard.

i'm holding out a little hope that when Punkin (and Peanut) and i move up North, it won't be to a two bedroom apartment with two dogs. there's still time.

(lack of) success story

i won't get any awards for Mother of the Year.
i won't get any awards for Engineer of the Year.
i won't get any awards for Pregnant Woman of the Year.
i won't get any awards for Daughter, Sister, or Friend of the Year.
and i won't get any awards for Blogger of the Year.

the Mother of the Year comment is a joke between el Jefe' and me. basically, when a tidbit of motherhood slips through the cracks, i'll say i won't be getting the award. like letting Punkin eat a lollipop before dinner, or skipping bath night because it is too late, or letting Punkin eat something off the floor because it's not that dirty and it would be a lot of work for me to bend over and pick it up.

but it's all kind of slipping below mediocrity. and i don't have the energy or enthusiasm to do anything about it.

i can't hardly wait (not)

i'm dreading the week ahead. i think i started dreading it last week, Thursday or Friday, when my mood went to pot. things at work started (continued) to fall apart, and the realization kicked in that el Jefe' would have to go back North for a week. even Punkin had a restless night on Saturday. did he dread it, too?

it was a really nice 10 days. and we only have to get through 5 more days, until el Jefe' is back for the weekend.

i'm going to try to swim a couple days this week. i'm going to try out Romper Room, a free babysitting service offered by the rec center where i swim. they have a tv, but i'm willing to bend if it means i can get in a day or two of exercise. Punkin also has Parent n' Me swimming lessons this week. i think i've solo'd once before. he really seems to be getting the hang of kicking, and moving his arms, and even tolerates floating on his back. so i can't miss that.

i have volleyball registration (even though i'm grounded.) i'd like to get some things at Home Depot to repair a screen. i need to write birthday thank-you notes (thankfully only two!). i need to print out thirty-some award certificates and get to framing. i have at least one helper, yet i've got to find the time to run test prints and print without a lot of eyes at the common printer. i have to update the Quality Review calendar, and come up with a budget, and reload the software, and start to work on an office process manual ... all in my spare time.

and at my paying job, here's what i have to look forward to this week:

• the four-year-old reconstruction job that won't go away
• my government waste parking lot
• specifications on the project where my efforts are completely ignored
• upcoming partial contract on a good project, yet not the part that's left

i can't hardly wait.

another year older

my birthday came; my birthday went.

i awoke early for a Saturday (late for me) stressed about not feeling Peanut since the night before. i did the recommended "have a glass of juice and lay down" from "What to Expect" and tried to count the kicks. the tv was on, but i was trying to concentrate, so i closed my eyes. i made it to four and fell asleep. or back to sleep.

i think all is well, or fine, or ok. don't give me anything more to worry about, ok?

Punkin helped me open my presents; he really wanted them for himself. still, he acted excited about the clothes, even though they were maternity clothes. hopefully i acted excited as well. when i was pregnant with Punkin, i was fairly frugal about my purchases. i bought most things on sale, or clearance, and tried to stick to the basics. i've done the same with this pregnancy with the Peanut, although my shopping has been much less frequent since i saved nearly everything from before. el Jefe' got me some great items at Christmas, and splurged again for my birthday. to me, it's just a little wasteful since i've got only 11 weeks to go (hopefully). el Jefe' looks at it as a tax write-off, unless we have another. i said let's defer that decision until the first month when we're all suffering from sleep deprivation.

he also gave me this terrific thumb ring. i wore it most of the day, but have to get it resized. i was bummed i had to give it up for another five days.

we had a mover come to give us an estimate, and may have a potential buyer for the Jet Skis. they are near and dear to our hearts, and sanity, and represent hundreds of hours of recreation for us. due to environmental restrictions, we can't use them up North, so we put them up for sale (just a note in the garage, mostly for house lookers). it's bitter-sweet. el Jefe' and i agreed that we'd like to get in a day or two at the lake before we move, even if it is not recommended and i'm big as a house, just to say "goodbye".

a couple stopped by when we got home from the grocery store to look at the house. their realtor couldn't make it. we let them in and collected the absent realtor's business card. they make the ninth showing we know of. no takers, yet. we've had a decent amount of traffic for such a soft market. statistically, only 10 percent of the houses on the market have sold, so i'm telling myself we need to get at least 10 potential buyers in here. wishful thinking, and surprising optimism on my part, don't you think?

i didn't get a good nap. we did some exchanges at the mall, bought dog food, and some shorts and pj's for Punkin. and we went out to dinner with my parents for my birthday. finally, the Punkin sang me "Happy Birthday" (several times). it was a wonderful dinner, although my parents are driving me a bit kooky about details while el Jefe' is up North (trying to help, but making more work for me). el Jefe' and i made very fast, very terrific, and very satisfying love.

and now i'm 42.

no respect

i thought that in writing yesterday's post, i would get all of the bad vibes out of my system and have a decent day. hah!

i almost quit my job yesterday. my supervisor didn't "invite" me to a meeting on a project i am intimately involved in. i have been telling him for months that the deadlines are too aggressive, and our work product is suffering. i also compliment him on maintaining schedule as well as the relationship he has built with the client. he has ignored me for months. i even brought our department manager into it. yesterday, he delivered a proverbial slap in the face. he announced at the meeting i wasn't invited to that he is delaying the submittal approximately one week. the kicker was he finally listened to someone who hasn't been involved in the project who has half the experience i do. folks say, "who cares, you'll be gone anyway." no, i'll come back from leave to this same situation, yet i won't have the luxury of going down the hall and confronting it. it will be telephone, and e-mail, and an occasional trip where i haul around the pump for a day. i can't wait.

i also got an e-mail from a client requesting yet another free service. the project was submitted in April 2006, and we were long past out of money by then. i inherited the project because the project engineer quit in January 2006 and the project manager quit in February 2006. they were incompetent, and the project was a loser. any client request i fulfill is on overhead, and more times than not, it is for free. this project does absolutely nothing for my self esteem. and i feel like i don't have any more to give.

i'll say it again. my projects are unrewarding. and i can't take the bullshit on top of crappy projects.

Punkin got written up for hitting at daycare. it came with a note from his teacher (that i never see because she works 9 am to 4 pm) with an urgent plea for help and to call her. it had misspellings and grammatical mistakes, and of course it pushed a hot button with me. we have gotten many reports that Punkin will not leave his shoes and socks on at school. he is fine at home, and we don't wear our shoes in the house (hence our ten-year-old carpeting still looks pretty damn good). but this was the first we heard of hitting.

i knew the first words out of her mouth would have to do with my pregnancy (they were about the "new baby"). and i had to discuss the fact that el Jefe' has relocated up North, although he is home this week (is he a truck driver?). and i mentioned that Punkin seems to have stopped swearing, but has substituted hitting. the conversation was fine, and nice, and she was understanding. but no one seems to get that we are trying not to make a big deal about the Peanut, nor are we trying to make a big deal out of relocating up North. it is going to be hard enough on the Punkin, and we know and anticipate that, so why should he have to anticipate that for the next several months?

but at work and in parenting, what do i know?

the ides of march

i was the victim of a violent crime 22 years ago today.

that's what i used to tell people. that was all i could get out as i teared up and got choked up in shame and embarrassment. i told a couple people i was mugged, but their response was "you're lucky it wasn't worse." well, i wasn't lucky, and it was worse.

i was in Acapulco, Mexico with my parents during spring break. spring break has its "fun in the sun" connotations, but i was with my parents! it was two days before my 20th birthday. my parents were getting a tax write-off on some rental property, and i escaped a midwestern winter. we were dining outside as you often do in tropical climates, when a couple of upstanding white college-age men approached our table and struck up a conversation. they charmed my parents, and charmed me, and eventually my parents allowed them to take me dancing later that evening.

we took a cab to the club (it was probably called a disco back then) and had plenty of drinks and dancing. we lost the blonde in the crowd, so it was just the two of us. then night went long, and we decided to leave the crowd, and music, and lights, and the relative madness of the club and get ourselves home. we unwisely decided against a cab, and equally unwisely decided to walk back on the beach.

we were met on a side street by four locals in a pea green four-door sedan. they put a knife to the throat of the male in our party, and aimed a gun at me. it was a small gun, but a gun nonetheless. several people have asked me if the gun was loaded. i don't know, and does it really matter? we gave up rings, watches, chains, and wallets, but the four locals decided that wasn't enough so they abducted me in the back seat of their sedan.

they drove away from the hotels, through downtown, and up into the hills to places i'd never seen before. i had been in Acapulco several times previously with my parents, so i tried to keep my bearings, to no avail. they took turns. they used their hands. they made me use my mouth. and one of them just plain raped me.

they left me in the street of a residential area. why they left me, i'll never know. i still had my "early birthday dress" (a t-shirt dress that was a gift from my mother), but i don't think i had any shoes. i began to wander in the streets, trying to find a major thoroughfare, calling out for help in the limited spanish i knew (from high school). some residents turned their lights on. some residents turned their lights off. i cried out and yelled and wandered. and a man in a white t-shirt hailed a cab for me. and the cab driver took me to my parents' condo. he said he would wait for payment, but he did not.

my parents were awake and up and worried sick, alerted by my dance partner. my mother's first words were "that is what happens when you stay out late." i'll never forget that, with all the pain that i was unable to feel at that moment, that she was able to make it worse. my mother was a nurse a hundred years ago, and my father was a practicing physician at the time, but they let me take a bath. and throw out my under wear.

my parents accompanied me to the police station to file the report. they listened as we went over the story several times, to make sure the translation was accurate. they heard me admit to not being a virgin. my father accompained me to some place for a medical exam. we had to stop at a pharmacy first to buy our own rubber gloves. and we couldn't leave, we wouldn't leave, until our "vacation" was over. my parents filed an insurance claim on my missing property (watch i had bought with proceeds from a summer job, jewelry from my high school boyfriend). eventually i got a new substandard watch, but that was it. i couldn't help but feel they made money from the claim.

i got lots of therapy. i dropped my classes and finished them up eventually in summer school or the following fall semester. i stopped functioning for quite awhile. i couldn't shower, change my clothes, brush my teeth, or leave my apartment for anything other than therapy. i couldn't look anyone, male or female in the eye.

one day, i brushed my teeth. and that was the turning point.

just shoot me

i forgot to get Abby's meds yesterday. i forgot to pick up my prenatal vitamins from the pharmacy yesterday. i forgot to go to the bank yesterday; i don't think i've been to the bank for nearly a month.

and i still didn't accomplish everything i needed to at work.

it's a crying shame, nearly literally these days. i'm clearly dedicated and focused on my job, in that i cannot break away for some time for myself. i inhale my lunch at my desk and just keep going. task after task, one step forward, two steps back. it's worse than a treadmill; at least you get exercise. oh that's right! i had that epiphany about why my work (my paying job) is not rewarding ...

i'm normally not a slacker. i don't give up. i have learned to lower my standards, but my father's voice in my head ("never be a quitter") haunts and drives me to do things i don't want to do. it drives me to be a martyr sometimes. so i take great responsibility in my assignments, my duties, my chores even when they offer nothing in return. just shoot me now; i don't ever see myself recovering from this character flaw.

but even with my lower standards, i can't keep up and the pack is breaking away. the CHBM site has been redesigned and has a plethora of new content. it has been that way for a while, yet i just noticed because i just had time to go there. i was looking for post ideas. i just about ran away with my tail between my legs. i certainly lowered my head in shame.

at yesterday's appointment, i was at 163 pounds (still) and my blood pressure was 115/60. i only have nine (9) more appointments with my gyn-ob until the Peanut's due date. on the bright side, it's less than 10.

tomorrow is an anniversary of sorts for me. it brings me down, but has nothing to do with my lack of "performance" or "success". this is day to day. and i'll continue to tolerate it, and it is doubtful i'll ever quit.

10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag

maybe this should be my motto? or my tag line? or the analogy of my life?

i make lists. i check things off. but i'm perpetually a step or two behind, maybe because i seem to take that "one step forward, two steps back" approach. the lists grow instead of shrink. if i'm accomplishing tasks at home, i'm a day or two behind at work.

and i'm never caught up at work. there are always multiple projects, regular weekly responsibilities as the Quality Control Coordinator, and between November and March (the end of March), there is my company's awards program. i've got 41 certificates to frame, and at least 25 of those haven't been printed. i've enlisted in some help, but i've got to find the time, and it's tough when i'm busy from the time i walk through the front door to the time i leave at the end of the day. brace yourself; here comes a positive statement: at least i have learned to leave it at the office. not all the time, but i have on occasion just let go and left it until morning or monday or another day.

emotionally, it's like a big grease stain (or shit stain, which i am oh-so familiar with) on the paper bag holding together my psyche. the unfinished honey-do's and chores and assignments and responsibilities are weakening the bag. it's going to tear and i'm going to end up in a puddle of liquified doggie diarrhea on the carpet. and i'll just have to scrub and clean it some more.

but, i am very experienced in these matters.

my honey do/honey done list

it's getting better, but it's not good. why am i always so dissatisfied?

el Jefe' came home Wednesday night for a ten-day stint at home (South). since then, Punkin has awoke ONCE in the past two nights and we all were able to get back to sleep without intervention. so maybe it is separation anxiety. it's just a bit baffling that it manifests itself at night.

both dogs sleep in their respective kennels in the garage and are outside all day. i only have to wash pee out of Abby's bedding once a day. since i'm such an expert in dog shit stain removal, here is my endorsement for Resolve Dual Action Spot Carpet Cleaner (with Oxi Action). i have essentially removed countless dog diarrhea stains in the past couple weeks (a major feat when you are trying to show and sell your home and its ten-year-old carpet). yeah, maybe they'll sponsor me.

i have gone to 5 Michaels and 4 Aaron Brothers to purchase a total of 40 frames for my company's awards program. even though i am pregnant, this time my raging hormones have not ignited the shopping gene, so this represents another major feat. no, you cannot order on-line from either store. no, i could not do a special order at either store (the style has been discontinued at Michaels, so i got the majority of them at a discount, but i probably spent the difference in gas as i was driving all over town.) i had the option of ordering from a vendor through my company; however, each frame was $5 to $9 more (not including shipping) and i would have had to build 40 fucking frames (in my spare time). mission nearly accomplished.

we need to sell our house.
we need to find a house up North.
i need to have this baby (the Peanut) but timing is very critical due to the day care waiting list.
and we need to file our taxes.
not necessarily in that order.

guess how i'm going to spend my early morning insomnia hours in the coming weeks ...

sleepless Punkin, shitty dogs

the last two days and nights have been rough.

Punkin wakes up crying about every half-hour from bedtime to midnight. typically, he is sitting up, but it is not apparent he is awake. if he is lying down, he rolls all over his big boy bed, which is a full or double depending on your terminology (which provides ample room for a two-year-old to roll around). sometimes he says “Owweee, owweee”, but cannot identify what is hurting him. sunday night i resorted to Tylenol. last night, we made it through without drugs. is it growing pains? he has complained about his teeth, and is drooling excessively, but i’m pretty sure he has all his baby teeth. separation anxiety? every morning he asks for his Daddy. we called el Jefe’ this morning. i’m not sure what else to do.

Abby had $150 of blood work on Saturday. she has a pretty severe liver disorder. her vet left a message yesterday, and he called back this morning and we actually spoke (which is better service than i get from most of my doctors, sad to say). she’s still on medication, and we’ll take her back this Saturday for more blood work. her diarrhea is under control.

lest you think we’ve turned the corner, the younger dog, Jenny, left me three diarrhea stains in the master bedroom closet this morning, and one on the shower rug. fortunately the shower rug went in the wash and the stain came out. i put in nearly two hours of shit stain removal this morning. i had suggested the realtor do her “realtor open house” thingy today (ha ha ha, foolish me!), so i was determined to get the stains out. they are better, but now both dogs are outside all day, and will sleep in their kennels in the garage at night.

i lamented to el Jefe’, but even if he was home, i still would be doing shit stain removal. i don’t want him to feel bad. i just want someone to sympathize with my exhaustion and shitty (literally!) chores.

we're getting there

Punkin's Paw Paw (my dad) called last night to let me know they were home from a second trip to California in something like 3 weeks. he offered to come by and "help". appreciate the thought, but yet another empty promise (or empty offer). you see, we've made so much progress (without assistance) that i'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel. (in my case, yes, it probably is a train).

el Jefe' caught an earlier flight on Friday. it was wonderful to have him home, even if just for a couple days, and even if we worked on the house most of the time. i finished the lower half of the master potty room (separate room for the toilet, with freaking 10 foot ceilings ...) which has been unfinished for something like 7 years. i also painted a wall in the hallway. and tried to lighten the same giant dog shit stain (actually a pee stain) in the carpet twice. (it's like an hour-long process). oh, and i gave Punkin a haircut courtesy of the Klampett Family Salon. el Jefe' finished the upper half of the master potty room, painted the exterior raw stucco at the french doors, cleaned the pool, and cleaned the deck.

our house has been on the market a week and a half, and we've had three "lookers". i've been told this is great for a soft market. the last was a frustrating and disappointing experience. we got the call that someone would be by "within the hour". Punkin was just getting up from his nap, and i was in the beginning stages of stain patrol. the doorbell rang within 3 minutes of the phone call. we tried to get out of the house. we promised Punkin we'd got to the park. i stashed gloves, and chemicals, and bucket, and paper towels, and took one last pee before we tried to leave. i scared the couple previewing the house as i left the bathroom. great impression, huh. no matter; we think they spent a grand total of 3 minutes in the house anyway. we don't think they even made it into the kitchen, or family room, or saw the pool. their loss, right?

el Jefe' also took Abby to the vet for $150 worth of blood work. i'm sure the results are "she's old", or maybe she has some life-threatening disease, but then she's toward the tail end of her life anyway. as long as she's not in pain.

so basically, Paw Paw wouldn't have helped anyway. we're knocking things off the list with elbow grease, and determination, and some insomnia. i wonder what we'll do when we're done?

what are you doing?

you should hear it coming from the Punkin.

i don't want to jinx it, but i have almost survived a week (ok, a 5-day work week) of being a part-time single parent. i will not get the mother of the year award, but at this point my expectations are very low and it's all about survival. Punkin was almost at day care 10 hours yesterday. i made quiche for dinner last night (which he didn't eat) and didn't have dinner ready until 8:00 pm (bedtime) and hence missed bath night and suffered meltdown at 8:20 pm. but nobody got hurt.

el Jefe' is settling into the apartment up North. the truck was unloaded on Monday, he has made a trip to Target, and the grocery store ("why bother with a list when you need everything.").

i've been cleaning dog diarrhea stains for days, sometimes twice a day. Abby did not come back from boarding at the vets feeling very well (hell, she's 105), and every day i wonder what i'm coming home to. she ate well one day early this week, and i think it all came out on our newly cleaned carpet. since then, she is outside during the day, and sleeps in a kennel in the garage at night. that has localized my shit stain cleaning to one area. then she stopped eating (but it was still spewing out her butt). i opted for canned dog food yesterday, mixed with her regular dry food, and she "ate a good supper" (as we say in our house; a reference from "Pat the Bunny"). again, not to jinx it, but i only had to wash pee out of her bedding this morning. woo hoo! that's like winning the lottery.

other than cleaning shit stains, i spackled a little around the house (and of course made everything look worse). what the hell was i thinking? well, things look VERY different at 5:00 am than they do in broad daylight. i'm hoping we can fudge by "blending" in the paint ...

speaking of paint, i braved Home Depot this afternoon to get a quart of exterior paint. we got these very lovely french doors about three years ago, and i thought it was finally time to paint over the raw stucco surrounding the doors outside since the our house is on the market and someone might actually care. we'll probably use the same paint on a couple exterior door frames. it will be a miracle if the color match is even close. and yes, we're going to paint stucco with the exact same paint as the door frames. hell, the builder did it. and it's cost-effective. and i don't care.

el Jefe' often reminds me i should say "i don't have any preference." right now, i don't. it's all about survival.