it has been weeks since i last posted. i've been busy ... and i didn't know that i had access at work, but that's another story.
on Monday, el jefe' dropped a bombshell on me. there are two openings for his previous position down South. the position he was promoted from. the position he vacated in February.
he left the door open.
you can go back and follow the turmoil, trials, and tribulations of his promotion, and our subsequent move ... dealing with the uncertainty of a new baby, putting our house on the market, being a single parent for months, packing, the subsequent move, and my transfer. our house in the South is STILL on the market, and concurrently available for rent. i've been back to work full-time for a month, and Peanut has been in day care a month, and we just finally moved Punkin to the same daycare as Peanut. i'm in a temporary office, although it looks as though i'll move to a conference room in the "permanent" office.
it should be getting better, but it feels worse.
i feel like i don't know my husband, the man i've been married to nearly 10 years. that he was even remotely unsatisfied enough that he would consider a demotion. that he would even consider moving our family all over again. that all the stress and exhaustion i have endured apparently aren't enough.
he offsets my pessimism, my worries, my insecurities. in one fell swoop, these all came back. it feels as though he's giving up. and maybe i should, too.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
a silver lining
so in an effort to try to find the bright spots in my miserable life, i thought i'd come up with a list:
- the apartment is so small and we have so much furniture that we only have to vaccuum selected paths
- we bang into the furniture so often that we all have bruises ... saves on those costly tattoos, and they are not quite as permanent
- the hot water in the apartment is so hot that we don't have to sterilize Peanut's bottles
- Jenny goes for a walk a couple times a day
- with two offices plus working from home, i'm never looking at the same four walls for very long
- i haven't gotten lost yet
- i'm building upper body strength by hauling around the pump and my important bag of shit
- premium gasoline is almost below $3.00 a gallon
- with the kids in two different daycares, we get to experience a variety of caregiving styles ... and the kids are building immunities from all sorts of different bugs
- i'll probably max out my FSA this year because i'm going to have to find a shrink
seriously, we both are gainfully employed, and although we are living pay check-to-pay check supporting two homes, we haven't gone broke yet. everyone is healthy. but i am down, and lonely, and can't find anything to look forward to.
Monday, August 20, 2007
how are you doing?
thanks for asking ...
Peanut is doing well, even in day care (Kids R Kids). she had a goopy eye, even before she started day care. i think she got it from one of the kids at Punkin's school. i have to drag her in when i drop Punkin off, and this little boy named Aidan can't keep his hands off of her. she got eye drops and is better now. her new pediatrician's office is in an old house. it's not as fancy or high-tech as the doctor we went to down South, but everyone is really nice and friendly.
after one month, Punkin didn't cry this morning when i dropped him off at day care. he goes to Kindercare because he is still on a waiting list at Kids R Kids. we just found out there is a spot for him at Kids R Kids September 10. so now he'll have to adjust all over again. it is a pain with the kids at two different schools (they are 7 miles apart), and we all don't know what to think of Kindercare. they are going through a lot of changes in staff so no one seems to act like they know what they're doing. he asks about his old school (La Petite) and on Sunday he woke up from his nap all confused and said he wanted to sleep in his old room (at our house down South). he's adjusting, and i don't think he'll turn out to be an axe murderer, but it's hard for me to see him go through this.
i'm working from 3 different places: the North office, the North Construction office, and home. my computer is in the North Construction office. i spent the morning in the North office, but my boss is going to be out the rest of the week and they don't have any space for me, so i probably won't go back this week. i have a big office in the Construction office, but all i've unpacked and set up is my computer. it's pretty quiet over there. like Punkin, i'm adjusting, too.
El Jefe’ travels South once or twice a week.
it's not as chaotic as when we were actually packing, moving, and unpacking, but i don't feel settled and i wouldn't call it a "normal" life. what's "normal", anyway?
Peanut is doing well, even in day care (Kids R Kids). she had a goopy eye, even before she started day care. i think she got it from one of the kids at Punkin's school. i have to drag her in when i drop Punkin off, and this little boy named Aidan can't keep his hands off of her. she got eye drops and is better now. her new pediatrician's office is in an old house. it's not as fancy or high-tech as the doctor we went to down South, but everyone is really nice and friendly.
after one month, Punkin didn't cry this morning when i dropped him off at day care. he goes to Kindercare because he is still on a waiting list at Kids R Kids. we just found out there is a spot for him at Kids R Kids September 10. so now he'll have to adjust all over again. it is a pain with the kids at two different schools (they are 7 miles apart), and we all don't know what to think of Kindercare. they are going through a lot of changes in staff so no one seems to act like they know what they're doing. he asks about his old school (La Petite) and on Sunday he woke up from his nap all confused and said he wanted to sleep in his old room (at our house down South). he's adjusting, and i don't think he'll turn out to be an axe murderer, but it's hard for me to see him go through this.
i'm working from 3 different places: the North office, the North Construction office, and home. my computer is in the North Construction office. i spent the morning in the North office, but my boss is going to be out the rest of the week and they don't have any space for me, so i probably won't go back this week. i have a big office in the Construction office, but all i've unpacked and set up is my computer. it's pretty quiet over there. like Punkin, i'm adjusting, too.
El Jefe’ travels South once or twice a week.
it's not as chaotic as when we were actually packing, moving, and unpacking, but i don't feel settled and i wouldn't call it a "normal" life. what's "normal", anyway?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
back to school
Peanut started in day care yesterday. we call it school, mainly because of the times when el Jefe's daughter spent a month of the summer with us. it sounds weird saying you're late for "day care" when you're dealing with a 'tween. i nearly forgot her eye drops. i brought a Boppy, just to discover they provide them, so i ended up taking it home. (i bought a new one just to be able to breastfeed her comfortably at school. now i'm kicking myself because i didn't need to spend the extra $35.) i brought her mobile at lunch time, when i went to feed her and found she had pooped through her clothes. and when i picked her up, i was nearly home before i realized i had forgotten her bottles. the women are nice. one of her teachers is very quiet. i believe English is her second language. the college kids who help out are getting ready to go back to school. the other mothers are pretty friendly as well. it's ok. actually better than ok.
a week of infant care for Peanut costs $199. a week of care for Punkin, at age 2 1/2, costs $193. they are at different schools because Punkin is still on a waiting list, and has been since February, at the school that Peanut goes to.
we're getting ripped off for Punkin's care. and we don't feel good about it. and Punkin doesn't like his new school.
the director just quit.
enrollment is way down. it's eerie dropping off Punkin in the morning.
the highest turn-over rooms are infants and 2's. Punkin is in the 2's.
Punkin's teacher doesn't know where they keep the art supplies.
it seems like there is no structure, no curriculum. the kids pretty much just stand around and play by themselves whenever we drop off or pick up Punkin.
the only thing he looks forward to is Splash Day on Tuesdays.
he cries when i drop him off. it breaks my heart.
i guess it made Peanut's first day seem easier.
and her care seems like a bargain.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
same ol' Jenny
we had to board Jenny last weekend. Peanut made her first airplane ride as the whole family returned South for a retirement party for el Jefe’s former assistant. his former assistant is retiring, but going to work for a consultant, and he’ll end up on the same project he was on as a former assistant. incestuous. surreal. we’d only been North 2 weeks and now we were back. and now we’re back North again. i digress ...
Jenny is a border collie mix. she’s a small dog … not a miniature, and actually a medium dog by most people’s standards as she weighs 30 lbs. she’s mostly black, with some white on her chin, chest, belly and one toe (someone suggested we call her “Skid Mark”). Punkin went with el Jefe’ to pick her up from boarding Monday after school.
the first dog out was very black, and very large … a good 3 times the size of Jenny. Punkin’s eyes got real big as he tentatively asked, “Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that no, that was not Jenny but someone else’s dog.
the next dog out was a standard-size poodle. all black. once again, Punkin’s eyes got even bigger as he asked, “What happened to Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that the second dog was a poodle, and someone else’s dog.
finally Jenny came out … normal-sized. she was happy to be home, and Punkin was just as happy she was returned to us without transformation.
this morning, we saw a large black lab. Punkin asked if it was a poodle.
Jenny is a border collie mix. she’s a small dog … not a miniature, and actually a medium dog by most people’s standards as she weighs 30 lbs. she’s mostly black, with some white on her chin, chest, belly and one toe (someone suggested we call her “Skid Mark”). Punkin went with el Jefe’ to pick her up from boarding Monday after school.
the first dog out was very black, and very large … a good 3 times the size of Jenny. Punkin’s eyes got real big as he tentatively asked, “Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that no, that was not Jenny but someone else’s dog.
the next dog out was a standard-size poodle. all black. once again, Punkin’s eyes got even bigger as he asked, “What happened to Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that the second dog was a poodle, and someone else’s dog.
finally Jenny came out … normal-sized. she was happy to be home, and Punkin was just as happy she was returned to us without transformation.
this morning, we saw a large black lab. Punkin asked if it was a poodle.
Friday, August 03, 2007
the travelogue
July 21
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes on the couch in the family room of my parents’ house. el Jefe’ keeps me company during feedings although he mostly sleeps and snores. It’s the thought that counts.
We were stationed at my parents’ house for the past two nights as all our belongings had been loaded on an 80-foot semi two days prior. Jenny was in a kennel in their garage. Grandma had the guest bedroom. El Jefe’ and I had the master, with room for Punkin on a futon mattress on the floor and Peanut in a Pack n’ Play. Eventually we stumbled to bed.
I awoke at 5:30 am, in time to pack a little, strip the bed, and get a shower.
6:00 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in the family room. After his shower, el Jefe’ headed to the house for the last few items on the honey-do list … mopping, wipe counter tops, Windex the French doors (easier without dog noses), and sweep the garage. I got Punkin going on his breakfast; Grandma helped with Jenny, and we started doing laundry ... two and a half beds of sheets, towels, and a few items of clothing (we did not want to leave any laundry for my mom to return to after their 3 1/2-week vacation in Hawaii … how convenient). I continued to pack and organize, as we had items scattered throughout the 2,800 sq ft house. El Jefe’ left a message on my cell with an update of his progress … apparently I didn’t have service, which I realized after 5 attempted calls and much frustration. (just what I needed, a little more stress.) I was tasked with supplying roach traps. So around 8:00 am, Punkin and I went to Albertson’s to purchase roach traps, Swiffer refills (that we snagged from my mom; el Jefe’ fell in love with them), Peanut diapers, and the coveted dry ice to transport 48 precious ounces of frozen breastmilk across the state. I was completely ignorant in the purchase of dry ice, but after traipsing across the store with Punkin in his race car grocery cart, we eventually ended up with something like 6 pounds for over $8 (which is a bargain if you know anything about the pain and suffering administered by a breast pump). Punkin and I dropped off the roach traps, and I passed through our home of nearly 10 years one last time, and headed back up to my parents’ house to feed Peanut once again. Our goal was to get on the road before noon.
9:30 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in my parents’ house. More organizing. More laundry. More packing. El Jefe’ returned from our house, and now we had to figure out how to get three adults, two kids, one dog, one dog kennel, house plants, luggage, coolers, and leftover cleaning supplies into a 2001 Jeep Cherokee and a 2004 Jetta. Grandma and I were stationed inside with Peanut; el Jefe’ and Punkin were in charge of packing the vehicles. Packing, stuffing, cramming … you choose the verb. We approached and surpassed the noon deadline, but we were on a mission and there was no turning back. We fueled up at the nearest gas station; Grandma, el Jefe’ and Jenny in the Jeep, and Punkin and Peanut with me in the Jetta. Peanut started hollering at the gas station and kept it up all the way to the Paiute reservation. Fortunately Punkin opted for a nap (so I could turn off Kids Stuff on Sirius and tune into Classic Vinyl). All was quiet up to Indian Springs, so we decided to keep going. Peanut started up again right after we passed the northern limit of Indian Springs.
2:00 pm
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at the rest area in Amargosa. A lot of dirt, a couple trees, and two tolerable restroom buildings. Jenny hung out under a tree. Grandma, Punkin, and el Jefe’ snacked on hard boiled eggs and carrots. We all drank bottles of water. And we eventually hit the road again.
We topped off the tanks in Beatty, bought some cheese and cracker and peanut butter cracker snacks, and half a dozen waters. Grandma wanted to drive before it got dark, so she was at the helm of the Jeep with me in the passenger seat. El Jefe’ drove the Jetta with the kids. I think I got about a 10 minute nap. The kids were quiet for el Jefe’ (Peanut slept and Punkin got to listen to Kids Stuff).
5:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes at the McDonalds in Tonopah. We were crammed into a corner booth, with her car seat as a privacy shield. I inhaled a filet o’fish, fries, and half of Punkin’s chicken nuggets. I am normally the worlds’ slowest eater, so el Jefe’ could not fail to comment on my ravenous behavior. I opted for Diet Coke at this point, knowing we were only half-way there. While there was still daylight, Grandma offered to drive the Jeep to give el Jefe’ a break; I returned to pilot the Jetta with the kids as we continued our journey. Punkin played with his gyroscope thing from his Happy Meal. The flying wheels were “airplanes” which I had to retrieve from the back seat floor consistently until they fell out of my limited reach. He called the launching stick his “Super Duper” and yielded it like a sword. Fortunately it fell out of reach after a few minutes. Not long after we left McDonalds, Punkin announced he wanted good supper. I plied him with a peanut butter chocolate chip chewy granola bar (he actually wanted the berry flavor, which I couldn’t find blindly). After a couple bites he decided he didn’t like it and gave me some chewed up remains (after he smeared some of the chocolate chips all over his mouth). I opted to offer him the peanut butter crackers from our stop in Beatty. These ended up being half-chewed and spit out. I threatened to turn off Kids Stuff if he wouldn’t stop spitting. It worked, but alas it was too late as we discovered at our next stop. Punkin tried to remove his shirt while buckled in his car seat. As this is nearly impossible, he cried for quite awhile in frustration. Peanut started hollering, too.
8:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at a convenience store in Hawthorne. Punkin was covered in orange goo (from spitting the peanut butter crackers), and his car seat was filled with crumbs. At this point I set down the law of no food in mommy’s car. El Jefe’ purchased some Chex Mix, which I forbade from entering my vehicle. Punkin took off his shirt. Punkin and Grandma took Jenny for a walk, when Grandma realized she had lost an earring. Grandma reported that after their walk, Punkin had enquired why Jenny sniffed the ground. After hearing the explanation from Grandma, he dropped to all fours on a public sidewalk, planted his face to the ground, and said, “I’m a doggie. I’m sniffing for poop.” I put on Punkin’s shirt by the light of a street light. We left it on backwards for the remainder of the journey (as Klampetts, you can get two days out of a shirt that way).
We passed Walker Lake in the dark.
The kids started hollering just outside Fernley. We fueled up at a convenience store. Punkin asked for milk, and got some, which he was very proud of but wouldn’t drink. He told me there were lollipops in the store, but he had had enough sugar for the day. El Jefe’ and I got 20 oz coffees (and I got two candy bars, hoping for an extra boost from the chocolate). We negotiated the bizarre traffic circle (designed by a former employer) outside Fernley, and continued to caravan to the apartment in Reno.
July 22
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes in a chair in the apartment. Punkin slept on the couch until the futon was set up in his room. He didn’t get to hear the frogs croaking as el Jefe’ carried him into the apartment. It faces a small lake with frogs and geese and ducks and herons and cormorants and even pelicans as we later discovered. Jenny slept in her kennel in the middle of the family room. El Jefe’ took Grandma to her hotel room at Extended Stay America (for two nights; once our furniture arrived she slept on the futon in Punkin’s room). El Jefe’ and I slept in our guest bed, which is our bed for the duration of our stay in the apartment. Peanut joined us in the Pack n’ Play.
Our 8-hour drive took 12.
We arrived safely, but completely exhausted.
There’s no place like home.
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes on the couch in the family room of my parents’ house. el Jefe’ keeps me company during feedings although he mostly sleeps and snores. It’s the thought that counts.
We were stationed at my parents’ house for the past two nights as all our belongings had been loaded on an 80-foot semi two days prior. Jenny was in a kennel in their garage. Grandma had the guest bedroom. El Jefe’ and I had the master, with room for Punkin on a futon mattress on the floor and Peanut in a Pack n’ Play. Eventually we stumbled to bed.
I awoke at 5:30 am, in time to pack a little, strip the bed, and get a shower.
6:00 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in the family room. After his shower, el Jefe’ headed to the house for the last few items on the honey-do list … mopping, wipe counter tops, Windex the French doors (easier without dog noses), and sweep the garage. I got Punkin going on his breakfast; Grandma helped with Jenny, and we started doing laundry ... two and a half beds of sheets, towels, and a few items of clothing (we did not want to leave any laundry for my mom to return to after their 3 1/2-week vacation in Hawaii … how convenient). I continued to pack and organize, as we had items scattered throughout the 2,800 sq ft house. El Jefe’ left a message on my cell with an update of his progress … apparently I didn’t have service, which I realized after 5 attempted calls and much frustration. (just what I needed, a little more stress.) I was tasked with supplying roach traps. So around 8:00 am, Punkin and I went to Albertson’s to purchase roach traps, Swiffer refills (that we snagged from my mom; el Jefe’ fell in love with them), Peanut diapers, and the coveted dry ice to transport 48 precious ounces of frozen breastmilk across the state. I was completely ignorant in the purchase of dry ice, but after traipsing across the store with Punkin in his race car grocery cart, we eventually ended up with something like 6 pounds for over $8 (which is a bargain if you know anything about the pain and suffering administered by a breast pump). Punkin and I dropped off the roach traps, and I passed through our home of nearly 10 years one last time, and headed back up to my parents’ house to feed Peanut once again. Our goal was to get on the road before noon.
9:30 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in my parents’ house. More organizing. More laundry. More packing. El Jefe’ returned from our house, and now we had to figure out how to get three adults, two kids, one dog, one dog kennel, house plants, luggage, coolers, and leftover cleaning supplies into a 2001 Jeep Cherokee and a 2004 Jetta. Grandma and I were stationed inside with Peanut; el Jefe’ and Punkin were in charge of packing the vehicles. Packing, stuffing, cramming … you choose the verb. We approached and surpassed the noon deadline, but we were on a mission and there was no turning back. We fueled up at the nearest gas station; Grandma, el Jefe’ and Jenny in the Jeep, and Punkin and Peanut with me in the Jetta. Peanut started hollering at the gas station and kept it up all the way to the Paiute reservation. Fortunately Punkin opted for a nap (so I could turn off Kids Stuff on Sirius and tune into Classic Vinyl). All was quiet up to Indian Springs, so we decided to keep going. Peanut started up again right after we passed the northern limit of Indian Springs.
2:00 pm
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at the rest area in Amargosa. A lot of dirt, a couple trees, and two tolerable restroom buildings. Jenny hung out under a tree. Grandma, Punkin, and el Jefe’ snacked on hard boiled eggs and carrots. We all drank bottles of water. And we eventually hit the road again.
We topped off the tanks in Beatty, bought some cheese and cracker and peanut butter cracker snacks, and half a dozen waters. Grandma wanted to drive before it got dark, so she was at the helm of the Jeep with me in the passenger seat. El Jefe’ drove the Jetta with the kids. I think I got about a 10 minute nap. The kids were quiet for el Jefe’ (Peanut slept and Punkin got to listen to Kids Stuff).
5:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes at the McDonalds in Tonopah. We were crammed into a corner booth, with her car seat as a privacy shield. I inhaled a filet o’fish, fries, and half of Punkin’s chicken nuggets. I am normally the worlds’ slowest eater, so el Jefe’ could not fail to comment on my ravenous behavior. I opted for Diet Coke at this point, knowing we were only half-way there. While there was still daylight, Grandma offered to drive the Jeep to give el Jefe’ a break; I returned to pilot the Jetta with the kids as we continued our journey. Punkin played with his gyroscope thing from his Happy Meal. The flying wheels were “airplanes” which I had to retrieve from the back seat floor consistently until they fell out of my limited reach. He called the launching stick his “Super Duper” and yielded it like a sword. Fortunately it fell out of reach after a few minutes. Not long after we left McDonalds, Punkin announced he wanted good supper. I plied him with a peanut butter chocolate chip chewy granola bar (he actually wanted the berry flavor, which I couldn’t find blindly). After a couple bites he decided he didn’t like it and gave me some chewed up remains (after he smeared some of the chocolate chips all over his mouth). I opted to offer him the peanut butter crackers from our stop in Beatty. These ended up being half-chewed and spit out. I threatened to turn off Kids Stuff if he wouldn’t stop spitting. It worked, but alas it was too late as we discovered at our next stop. Punkin tried to remove his shirt while buckled in his car seat. As this is nearly impossible, he cried for quite awhile in frustration. Peanut started hollering, too.
8:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at a convenience store in Hawthorne. Punkin was covered in orange goo (from spitting the peanut butter crackers), and his car seat was filled with crumbs. At this point I set down the law of no food in mommy’s car. El Jefe’ purchased some Chex Mix, which I forbade from entering my vehicle. Punkin took off his shirt. Punkin and Grandma took Jenny for a walk, when Grandma realized she had lost an earring. Grandma reported that after their walk, Punkin had enquired why Jenny sniffed the ground. After hearing the explanation from Grandma, he dropped to all fours on a public sidewalk, planted his face to the ground, and said, “I’m a doggie. I’m sniffing for poop.” I put on Punkin’s shirt by the light of a street light. We left it on backwards for the remainder of the journey (as Klampetts, you can get two days out of a shirt that way).
We passed Walker Lake in the dark.
The kids started hollering just outside Fernley. We fueled up at a convenience store. Punkin asked for milk, and got some, which he was very proud of but wouldn’t drink. He told me there were lollipops in the store, but he had had enough sugar for the day. El Jefe’ and I got 20 oz coffees (and I got two candy bars, hoping for an extra boost from the chocolate). We negotiated the bizarre traffic circle (designed by a former employer) outside Fernley, and continued to caravan to the apartment in Reno.
July 22
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes in a chair in the apartment. Punkin slept on the couch until the futon was set up in his room. He didn’t get to hear the frogs croaking as el Jefe’ carried him into the apartment. It faces a small lake with frogs and geese and ducks and herons and cormorants and even pelicans as we later discovered. Jenny slept in her kennel in the middle of the family room. El Jefe’ took Grandma to her hotel room at Extended Stay America (for two nights; once our furniture arrived she slept on the futon in Punkin’s room). El Jefe’ and I slept in our guest bed, which is our bed for the duration of our stay in the apartment. Peanut joined us in the Pack n’ Play.
Our 8-hour drive took 12.
We arrived safely, but completely exhausted.
There’s no place like home.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
we're here
we are unofficially Northerners.
the packers packed on Wednesday, the 18th. the movers loaded the 80-ft semi (we only took up a third of it) on Thursday, the 19th. we cleaned and painted and all that goes with leaving a house until Saturday morning. we finally hit the road shortly after noon. the 8-hour drive took over 12 hours, with at least 3 stops to nurse Peanut. we arrived after midnight on Saturday, so it was really Sunday, the 22nd.
the moving truck arrived in the afternoon of Monday, the 23rd.
we're somewhat settled. Punkin has had a full week at his temporary school/daycare. el Jefe' has returned to work full-time and even made two day trips to the South. i finally connected the computer and got internet access yesterday.
according to el Jefe', it's all downhill from here (not getting worse, just getting easier.) i can easliy say i have been through the most exhausting experience of my life. i'm not sure my words convey my lack of enthusiasm and depression at the commencement of this new chapter in my life.
the packers packed on Wednesday, the 18th. the movers loaded the 80-ft semi (we only took up a third of it) on Thursday, the 19th. we cleaned and painted and all that goes with leaving a house until Saturday morning. we finally hit the road shortly after noon. the 8-hour drive took over 12 hours, with at least 3 stops to nurse Peanut. we arrived after midnight on Saturday, so it was really Sunday, the 22nd.
the moving truck arrived in the afternoon of Monday, the 23rd.
we're somewhat settled. Punkin has had a full week at his temporary school/daycare. el Jefe' has returned to work full-time and even made two day trips to the South. i finally connected the computer and got internet access yesterday.
according to el Jefe', it's all downhill from here (not getting worse, just getting easier.) i can easliy say i have been through the most exhausting experience of my life. i'm not sure my words convey my lack of enthusiasm and depression at the commencement of this new chapter in my life.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
moving
the packers came and went today. no, not the NFL team, which comes to mind especially when your husband and mother-in-law were born and raised in Wisconsin. the guys who show up with a straight truck of cardboard, paper, and tape. 44 boxes in less than four hours. that doesn't include the two-car-garage-stall nearly filled with those packed by el Jefe' (PBO: packed by owner) and my few paltry contributions. they pack everything that isn't tied down. we made el Jefe' retrieve my flip flops and my mother-in-law's birks from a box, or we wouldn't have any shoes.
they load tomorrow.
a realtor came today, after the packers. what a site. i'm sure the house showed fabulously.
there is still cleaning to do. my mother-in-law did a majority of the kitchen cabinets, and Punkin's bathroom. we scheduled the carpets to be cleaned Friday.
Punkin did not freak coming home to a house of boxes. Peanut even had a meal while the packers were here. i, on the other hand, am down.
this is it. hope to post next week. wish us luck ...
they load tomorrow.
a realtor came today, after the packers. what a site. i'm sure the house showed fabulously.
there is still cleaning to do. my mother-in-law did a majority of the kitchen cabinets, and Punkin's bathroom. we scheduled the carpets to be cleaned Friday.
Punkin did not freak coming home to a house of boxes. Peanut even had a meal while the packers were here. i, on the other hand, am down.
this is it. hope to post next week. wish us luck ...
Sunday, July 15, 2007
running out of time
el Jefe's mom arrived Wednesday afternoon. she'll be with us for three weeks, helping us pack, move, and unpack. she's staying at my parents' house at night while we're still down South because we don't have a bed for her, and my parents conveniently planned a 3-week trip to Hawaii, knowing full well they were having a grandchild and we were moving up North. maybe it was part of their denial and there was less guilt knowing they wouldn't lift a finger to assist in our move.
she gave Peanut her first bottle of pumped breastmilk on Thursday. i stuck around and pumped. it went well. she is very good with infants, assuming the experience with our kids is universal. the extra set of hands gave me the opportunity on Friday to do some "honey-do's" like fixing a window screen and sorting through nearly $500 in change. i left her in charge Friday with a bottle, hoping i could pack up my office at work. i had nearly five hours to sort an pack 9 years with my employer, and 20 years of my career. i ended up bring home a box of three plants, and spending the remainder of time on billable projects. i was all ready overwhelmed by all the aspects of the move. i was all ready frustrated by work interfering with this stage in my life. i realized i didn't get to say good-bye to anyone at the office. i was depressed by my lack of progress in the office, and the fact i would have to return this weekend when no one was around.
i said good-bye to my best friend Lola, Punkin's godmother, last night. we had a full day of packing (toys!), two trips to the GoodWill, and i finally got to swim with Punkin for about a half-hour. she came over for pizza and beer, a little tradition with us. she talked about making new friends but i just can't even hope for that right now.
it will happen. it will be over soon. but i am down. and this is hard.
she gave Peanut her first bottle of pumped breastmilk on Thursday. i stuck around and pumped. it went well. she is very good with infants, assuming the experience with our kids is universal. the extra set of hands gave me the opportunity on Friday to do some "honey-do's" like fixing a window screen and sorting through nearly $500 in change. i left her in charge Friday with a bottle, hoping i could pack up my office at work. i had nearly five hours to sort an pack 9 years with my employer, and 20 years of my career. i ended up bring home a box of three plants, and spending the remainder of time on billable projects. i was all ready overwhelmed by all the aspects of the move. i was all ready frustrated by work interfering with this stage in my life. i realized i didn't get to say good-bye to anyone at the office. i was depressed by my lack of progress in the office, and the fact i would have to return this weekend when no one was around.
i said good-bye to my best friend Lola, Punkin's godmother, last night. we had a full day of packing (toys!), two trips to the GoodWill, and i finally got to swim with Punkin for about a half-hour. she came over for pizza and beer, a little tradition with us. she talked about making new friends but i just can't even hope for that right now.
it will happen. it will be over soon. but i am down. and this is hard.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
about a week to go
the proverbial ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. and i'm trying to cram it all in between breastfeeding a six-week-old Peanut. i get depressed at the drop of a hat. the movers come in about a week (pack Wednesday, load Thursday), but we can't get the "spread" dates (the date our stuff will actually arrive up North). we haven't made reservations for Grandma (el Jefe's mom) for a place to stay up North; either way she's not going to fit in the apartment until our stuff arrives. Grandma is staying at my parents now while they're in Hawaii for a month (convenient trip, don't you think?) ... they also have a dog sitter staying there. how weird. and we may have to camp there (on couches) once our stuff gets loaded. Peanut and Punkin both have 5 kids ahead of them on the day care waiting lists up North, waiting lists that we got on at the beginning of February ... we have an alternate established for Punkin, and that means moving him to a different school twice, but what else can we do? i'm out of FMLA leave towards the end of August, with no office to move to, but being a full time mom was not part of the plan.
i'm making lists, and actually checking things off, and of course adding to them. cleaning, packing, taxes (Hawaii GE, lucky us), donating, and trying to cram in work and more packing. oh, and the interruption every other day that someone wants to see the house. we dropped the price and are offering $5K to the buyer at closing. i'm freaked out that someone is going to show up when i'm feeding the Peanut. i already had a potential when i was changing a diaper ... i honestly think i had poop running down my arm as i answered the door with a naked baby. el Jefe' says i'm too nice. let's face it: i am nearly desperate to sell this house as i do not want to live in an apartment forever. for very long. if this move was to Hawaii, we would have a place to move to. next time ...
i've known this month would be chaotic for awhile. i am getting through it. i just have to keep telling myself that i have something to look forward to.
i'm making lists, and actually checking things off, and of course adding to them. cleaning, packing, taxes (Hawaii GE, lucky us), donating, and trying to cram in work and more packing. oh, and the interruption every other day that someone wants to see the house. we dropped the price and are offering $5K to the buyer at closing. i'm freaked out that someone is going to show up when i'm feeding the Peanut. i already had a potential when i was changing a diaper ... i honestly think i had poop running down my arm as i answered the door with a naked baby. el Jefe' says i'm too nice. let's face it: i am nearly desperate to sell this house as i do not want to live in an apartment forever. for very long. if this move was to Hawaii, we would have a place to move to. next time ...
i've known this month would be chaotic for awhile. i am getting through it. i just have to keep telling myself that i have something to look forward to.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
are these wasted days?
so i've gotta do the calendar, the baby book, the announcements (which are almost done), and the trickling stream of Thank You notes. i don't send announcements hoping people will send gifts. just the opposite, because each gift begets another Thank You note. i also need to sort through baby clothes (bittersweet) and maternity clothes (many of which i am still wearing) for Goodwill. and clean. and pack. and say good-bye.
and then there are the days i check e-mails at work, and that's all i seem to get accomplished. i'm on leave. short-tern disability. and i shouldn't worry about work, and projects, and clients, and marketing, and packing my office to go into storage or no-man's-land, because they don't have a place for me. talk about displaced. but i feel torn. and gulit-ridden. and responsible. and out of control.
Peanut is growing like a weed. she's three inches taller and over two pounds bigger. those first weeks are gone, and she's over a month old. should i stop and smell the roses, or continue to obsess about the chaos the month of July brings?
and then there are the days i check e-mails at work, and that's all i seem to get accomplished. i'm on leave. short-tern disability. and i shouldn't worry about work, and projects, and clients, and marketing, and packing my office to go into storage or no-man's-land, because they don't have a place for me. talk about displaced. but i feel torn. and gulit-ridden. and responsible. and out of control.
Peanut is growing like a weed. she's three inches taller and over two pounds bigger. those first weeks are gone, and she's over a month old. should i stop and smell the roses, or continue to obsess about the chaos the month of July brings?
Sunday, July 01, 2007
thank you, Peanut.
so i mentioned we're trying to apply the concepts in "Baby Wise" (the whole wake, eat, play, sleep thing). she's basically on a schedule, that we're not supposed to call a schedule. i believe the term is "parent-directed feeding" or PDF (nothing to do with Adobe), instead of on-demand feeding. it does induce predictability and prevents snacks.
Peanut is one month old, and moreso due to frustration and exhaustion than due to the milestone, we stopped setting the alarm for the 3 am (or so) feeding. for the last two nights i fed her around midnight, and we're all nestled in our beds by 1 am. she makes it until about 5 am. that's four hours of continuous sleep, as opposed to two. el Jefe' thinks we should get her tested (that's an inside joke, directed at our parents).
i had a hard time falling asleep last night. the longer sleep feels worse than the bits and pieces sleep. but i'm not complaining. it has been an amazing month.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
speed post
ha! i was obviously exaggerating about that two-hour window of opportunity. i might have 10 minutes to write this post. and it has taken me a week to find those 10 minutes.
but i am Wonder Woman! el Jefe' made a day trip up North this morning. he got up at the 3 am feeding, took a shower and made his way to the airport for a 6 am flight. Although Peanut was due to eat around 6 am, she very consistently wakes up around 5:30 am (we think it's the early sunrise).
i got a couple winks between 4 am and 5:30. once we got up, i fed her (mommy meal, over a half hour). i also fed the dogs, including the 105-year-old anorexic who stopped eating wet and dry mixed, ate dry only half her meal times or less, and is now eating wet at every meal but has to be supervised because young dog will devour any leftover food which she clearly doesn't need because she is shaped like a cube. i packed Punkin's diaper bag with organic milk, lunch, Pull-ups and wipes, and took it out to the car knowing i wouldn't have a free hand, plus it was an excuse to get the paper. Peanut and i got Punkin up, and i made him an egg for breakfast (unexplainable, other than he asked for it ... raw, i might add, but that is unacceptable). i changed Peanut during breakfast, and brushed Punkin's teeth, and changed Punkin and got him out of his jammies and into his school clothes. Peanut in the car seat, Punkin's shoes on, loaded into the car and we all made it to school by 8 am. only a few tears from both kids, and none from mommy.
i even stopped at the store on the way home for more canned dog food (she can live for three more days) and a D battery for the bouncy chair.
i may have exceeded my 10 minutes, but Peanut is not screaming. i am Wonder Woman.
but i am Wonder Woman! el Jefe' made a day trip up North this morning. he got up at the 3 am feeding, took a shower and made his way to the airport for a 6 am flight. Although Peanut was due to eat around 6 am, she very consistently wakes up around 5:30 am (we think it's the early sunrise).
i got a couple winks between 4 am and 5:30. once we got up, i fed her (mommy meal, over a half hour). i also fed the dogs, including the 105-year-old anorexic who stopped eating wet and dry mixed, ate dry only half her meal times or less, and is now eating wet at every meal but has to be supervised because young dog will devour any leftover food which she clearly doesn't need because she is shaped like a cube. i packed Punkin's diaper bag with organic milk, lunch, Pull-ups and wipes, and took it out to the car knowing i wouldn't have a free hand, plus it was an excuse to get the paper. Peanut and i got Punkin up, and i made him an egg for breakfast (unexplainable, other than he asked for it ... raw, i might add, but that is unacceptable). i changed Peanut during breakfast, and brushed Punkin's teeth, and changed Punkin and got him out of his jammies and into his school clothes. Peanut in the car seat, Punkin's shoes on, loaded into the car and we all made it to school by 8 am. only a few tears from both kids, and none from mommy.
i even stopped at the store on the way home for more canned dog food (she can live for three more days) and a D battery for the bouncy chair.
i may have exceeded my 10 minutes, but Peanut is not screaming. i am Wonder Woman.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
three new nursing bras
i'm a little frustrated with the two-hour window of opportunity. you'd think it was an hour to feed, a half-hour of play, and an hour and a half nap, eight times a day. well, the two-hour window of opportunity also applies to how much "work" i can get done in a day. yes, consider the ramifications to a control freak who only has two productive hours in a single day. two productive hours to do actual work, write thank-you notes, send out announcements, work on her memory book, and obviously occasionally post to this blog. i continuously have to remind myself to keep my expectations low (very low).
yesterday's window consisted of an outing with Peanut to run errands. we went to Target because Peanut was running out of diapers. i brought along a gift card with intentions of getting her something special of her very own (probably clothing), but then i choked because we are attending a party in her honor on Sunday. i went through the store twice looking for Mylicon. and i got some diapers. and for myself, i bought three new nursing bras.
nursing bras suck. i have to wear them 24-7 for the next 11 months. i avoid the underwire ones because i read something negative about them, so that reduces my choices to less than half of the styles available. i purchased a Medela nursing bra from JC Penney before Peanut was born. it is easily the world's ugliest bra and not very comfortable. i am extremely disappointed because i have been impressed by nearly everything in the Medela line, and i paid twice what i would normally pay for the butt-ugly bra. at Target, i found three different bras in my size and purchased them on the spot.
the three new bras are ok. just ok. am i going to be like one of my co-workers, who ended up with something like 15 different nursing bras, in her quest for one comfortable bra, when she only nursed her child for a couple months? i don't want fifteen bras. i don't want fifteen styles. i just want a couple that are comfortable; that don't itch, that don't bind on the sides, that will hold up through the laundry. breastfeeding supposedly saves you money, so these dream nursing bras should be affordable, too.
silly me. i've got to remember to keep my expectations low.
yesterday's window consisted of an outing with Peanut to run errands. we went to Target because Peanut was running out of diapers. i brought along a gift card with intentions of getting her something special of her very own (probably clothing), but then i choked because we are attending a party in her honor on Sunday. i went through the store twice looking for Mylicon. and i got some diapers. and for myself, i bought three new nursing bras.
nursing bras suck. i have to wear them 24-7 for the next 11 months. i avoid the underwire ones because i read something negative about them, so that reduces my choices to less than half of the styles available. i purchased a Medela nursing bra from JC Penney before Peanut was born. it is easily the world's ugliest bra and not very comfortable. i am extremely disappointed because i have been impressed by nearly everything in the Medela line, and i paid twice what i would normally pay for the butt-ugly bra. at Target, i found three different bras in my size and purchased them on the spot.
the three new bras are ok. just ok. am i going to be like one of my co-workers, who ended up with something like 15 different nursing bras, in her quest for one comfortable bra, when she only nursed her child for a couple months? i don't want fifteen bras. i don't want fifteen styles. i just want a couple that are comfortable; that don't itch, that don't bind on the sides, that will hold up through the laundry. breastfeeding supposedly saves you money, so these dream nursing bras should be affordable, too.
silly me. i've got to remember to keep my expectations low.
Monday, June 18, 2007
my husband, the best father a kid could have
in honor of Father's Day, i will tell this story about dinner friday night.
el Jefe' and i alternate weeks on whose turn it is to buy groceries, and whose turn it is to decide what our weekend meals entail. typically, we do not cook friday or saturday nights (and thursday is usually left over night). this dates back to a recommendation from counselling many years ago ... it works for us. this past weekend was el Jefe's turn.
he chose Joe's Crab Shack for our friday night outing. the place has a special meaning to us, a park for Punkin to play in, and we recently returned after banning them for several years for poor service and cold food. there was a short wait to be seated, but we had at least an hour and a half window of opportunity before Peanut's next feeding.
we should've known better when it took an eternity to get our beers and Punkin's milk ... so long that our waiter brought us water to tide us over (afterall, we live in the desert, don't ya know). we ordered Punkin's meal, and an appetizer, and figured we'd order our main courses when something showed up (beverage, food, whatever). Punkin was chair dancing, which touched my soul to see my son with no inhibitions (when do kids start to feel embarrassed?) eventually we ordered our main courses, and received our beers.
our appetizer came out before Punkin's meal. well before, in that we ate all the jalapeno crab balls and french fries and all three of us sat there and stared at the empty basket and wished for more. Peanut woke up during the Macarena, and our food, not even Punkin's food, was no where in sight.
el Jefe' bounced Peanut. i bounced and danced with Peanut. Punkin eventually got his food and polished off his carrot sticks. el Jefe' and i finished our beers. and as we watched our window of opportunity creep shut, we asked about our meals. our waiter informed us the oder had only been placed 10 minutes ago. we disagreed, but were held hostage. el Jefe' ordered another beer. and we bounced Peanut.
as the window of opportunity shut, our waiter tried to deliver us another couples' meal. said other couple was seated a good 4 tables after us, most likely a half hour after us. el Jefe' says we should've eat their food. still, we waited and continued to bounce our wide awake and not too happy Peanut.
Punkin announced he had a poo poo. el Jefe' went to change him, and of course, there was not a changing table in the men's restroom. our food was finally delivered, and the waiter had the nerve to ask if the boys were playing in the park. when they got back, el Jefe' let me prepare my food for one-handed eating, and then i took the Peanut while he proceeded to inhale his king crab legs. the balloon lady came by, and made Punkin an Elmo (thank God because he was bored by this time, his normal bed time). el Jefe' was obviously steaming at this point, and he is not a volatile man.
our waiter offered to pay for our drinks. el Jefe' explained that "with a baby, we have a limited window of opportunity, and frankly, our food just took too fucking long." el Jefe' finished his meal; i got a go box for my entire meal, we paid, tipped meagerly and left. i fed Peanut in the car.
so i'm really not comfortable breastfeeding in public, so maybe it's partly my fault. but are we banned from family restaurants because i'm breastfeeding? why shouldn't we be able to dine out? it's not like we went to a five star french restaurant with a seventeen course meal.
all the things that could've made the evening worse: Punkin could've needed stitches after bashing his head into the table and chairs several times. we could've gotten salmonella poisoning from our meal. we could've gotten pulled over on the way home and cited for car seat and seat belt issues, and el Jefe' could've blown over a 0.08. i guess we could've gone to jail.
el Jefe' understands me. he stood up for me, and he stood up for our family.
and my food was good, even though it was cold.
el Jefe' and i alternate weeks on whose turn it is to buy groceries, and whose turn it is to decide what our weekend meals entail. typically, we do not cook friday or saturday nights (and thursday is usually left over night). this dates back to a recommendation from counselling many years ago ... it works for us. this past weekend was el Jefe's turn.
he chose Joe's Crab Shack for our friday night outing. the place has a special meaning to us, a park for Punkin to play in, and we recently returned after banning them for several years for poor service and cold food. there was a short wait to be seated, but we had at least an hour and a half window of opportunity before Peanut's next feeding.
we should've known better when it took an eternity to get our beers and Punkin's milk ... so long that our waiter brought us water to tide us over (afterall, we live in the desert, don't ya know). we ordered Punkin's meal, and an appetizer, and figured we'd order our main courses when something showed up (beverage, food, whatever). Punkin was chair dancing, which touched my soul to see my son with no inhibitions (when do kids start to feel embarrassed?) eventually we ordered our main courses, and received our beers.
our appetizer came out before Punkin's meal. well before, in that we ate all the jalapeno crab balls and french fries and all three of us sat there and stared at the empty basket and wished for more. Peanut woke up during the Macarena, and our food, not even Punkin's food, was no where in sight.
el Jefe' bounced Peanut. i bounced and danced with Peanut. Punkin eventually got his food and polished off his carrot sticks. el Jefe' and i finished our beers. and as we watched our window of opportunity creep shut, we asked about our meals. our waiter informed us the oder had only been placed 10 minutes ago. we disagreed, but were held hostage. el Jefe' ordered another beer. and we bounced Peanut.
as the window of opportunity shut, our waiter tried to deliver us another couples' meal. said other couple was seated a good 4 tables after us, most likely a half hour after us. el Jefe' says we should've eat their food. still, we waited and continued to bounce our wide awake and not too happy Peanut.
Punkin announced he had a poo poo. el Jefe' went to change him, and of course, there was not a changing table in the men's restroom. our food was finally delivered, and the waiter had the nerve to ask if the boys were playing in the park. when they got back, el Jefe' let me prepare my food for one-handed eating, and then i took the Peanut while he proceeded to inhale his king crab legs. the balloon lady came by, and made Punkin an Elmo (thank God because he was bored by this time, his normal bed time). el Jefe' was obviously steaming at this point, and he is not a volatile man.
our waiter offered to pay for our drinks. el Jefe' explained that "with a baby, we have a limited window of opportunity, and frankly, our food just took too fucking long." el Jefe' finished his meal; i got a go box for my entire meal, we paid, tipped meagerly and left. i fed Peanut in the car.
so i'm really not comfortable breastfeeding in public, so maybe it's partly my fault. but are we banned from family restaurants because i'm breastfeeding? why shouldn't we be able to dine out? it's not like we went to a five star french restaurant with a seventeen course meal.
all the things that could've made the evening worse: Punkin could've needed stitches after bashing his head into the table and chairs several times. we could've gotten salmonella poisoning from our meal. we could've gotten pulled over on the way home and cited for car seat and seat belt issues, and el Jefe' could've blown over a 0.08. i guess we could've gone to jail.
el Jefe' understands me. he stood up for me, and he stood up for our family.
and my food was good, even though it was cold.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
3-hour increments
el Jefe' would say, and i would agree, that i'm getting bitchy. part of it is rarely leaving the house. part of it is rarely bathing (i think my last shower was Monday?). part of it is this expensive, butt-ugly, uncomfortable nursing bra that i'm forcing myself to wear 24-7 because i spent the money and it wasn't cheap. and part of it is living life in 3-hour increments.
i try to make sure Peanut has 8 meals a day. do the math, and that is every 3 hours. my family (except for my antiquated parents) are firm believers in "Baby Wise" which offers the wake, eat, play, sleep routine. Peanut is doing well, Punkin did fabulously, so we're trying to maintain the tradition in concept. breastfeeding kids can take up to an hour to feed. 20 minutes is just plain bullshit. so, that leaves roughly 2 hours every feeding. two or three of those, i try to sleep. at least two more of those, el Jefe' and i are trying to balance having Punkin and Peanut around and keeping everyone fed and entertained. what it boils down to is that i feel as though i have no more than 2 hours to accomplish anything in any one day. that could be a shower. that could be thank you notes. that could be a trip to the grocery store.
i'm frustrated that i can't accomplish much in two hours a day.
and i've got nearly 11 months and 2 weeks more of this.
i try to make sure Peanut has 8 meals a day. do the math, and that is every 3 hours. my family (except for my antiquated parents) are firm believers in "Baby Wise" which offers the wake, eat, play, sleep routine. Peanut is doing well, Punkin did fabulously, so we're trying to maintain the tradition in concept. breastfeeding kids can take up to an hour to feed. 20 minutes is just plain bullshit. so, that leaves roughly 2 hours every feeding. two or three of those, i try to sleep. at least two more of those, el Jefe' and i are trying to balance having Punkin and Peanut around and keeping everyone fed and entertained. what it boils down to is that i feel as though i have no more than 2 hours to accomplish anything in any one day. that could be a shower. that could be thank you notes. that could be a trip to the grocery store.
i'm frustrated that i can't accomplish much in two hours a day.
and i've got nearly 11 months and 2 weeks more of this.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
the end of an era
FOR SALE
1998 Kawasaki 1100 ZXi
1998 Kawasaki 1100 STX
1998 Zieman J2B Double Trailer
$5,900 or best offer
29 minutes from Lake Mead National Recreation Area
1998 Kawasaki 1100 ZXi
1998 Kawasaki 1100 STX
1998 Zieman J2B Double Trailer
$5,900 or best offer
29 minutes from Lake Mead National Recreation Area
Cruising, Tubing, Water Skiing, Wake Boarding & Tons o’ Fun
we started 4th of July, 1998 with the red ski, a three-seater, and a double trailer. we followed with the yellow ski, a two seater, around labor day weekend that same year. on saturday, June 9, we sold both Jet Ski's and the trailer. honest to God, el Jefe' and i cried.
this was a huge part of our lives here. this was our primary source of entertainment. the red ski had nearly 200 hours on the odometer ... you could say we got our money's worth. memories. fun. passion.
due to environmental restrictions, we can't ride them in the larger lakes up North. we have vowed to get back into it when we get settled up North ... out of an apartment and into a house. it won't be the same; it never is the same. at least we got to share it with Punkin (who has asked several times "Where did the Jet Skis go?"). and with our resolve to get back into it when we're up North, we will share the enjoyment with Peanut.
the end of an era, or the beginning of a new one?
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Lea's coming out party
i was supposed to check into the hospital, labor and delivery, at 8:00 pm Tuesday, May 29th. Like most events since becoming a mother to Punkin, I was late. I put in a full day of work, with a goal to leave at 5:00 pm. I made it out by 5:30 pm, with quite a few items remaining on my “to do” list (some important, like a change order, and others not, like a request for quiz hints received this last day). We planned to take Punkin out to dinner (Applebee’s, his second favorite, mainly for the balloons) but the Applebee’s close to our house is closed, boarded-up, kaput. We opted for the next closest Applebee’s, which had several empty tables yet a wait to be seated, and no balloons. My prediction is the Applebee’s chain is going under for failure to provide balloons. Just you watch. There was quite a scene at home with Punkin, with plenty of tears, and requests that we all go to the hospital together and get Peanut. Eventually we showed up at labor and delivery closer to 8:45 pm. Not like they were going to start without me.
So i check into triage, and fill out a pink sheet roughly 5 x 7 (landscape) with about a dozen boxes for information. They included “last menstral period” and “due date” and how far along i was, so i did not have to go through the agony of the stupid wheel one more time. That’s it. No wonder they let just anyone have a baby. The nurses laughed when my response to “Why are you here?” consisted of “Cervical ripening”. Not a good sign. One of the triage nurses said she never heard it put that way … that’s what my ob-gyn called it; that’s what they call it in “What to Expect” … what am i supposed to say … they are going to put in a chemical tampon?
Labor and delivery triage was busy (el Jefe' kept commenting: “Business is good.”) so we sat in the waiting area for probably over an hour watching network TV shows neither of us had even heard of. My first L & D nurse, Ruth, eventually came and got us and put us in Room 4 (even though the computer was supposedly slow). She started an IV after repeating how my veins were so easy to find, yet complaining that they’re all crooked (because i have valves, and i think the only thing we can blame there is good ol’ advanced maternal age); suffice to say, this IV site was to get a lot of use, and she got it the first try, but it wasn’t pretty, without blood loss, or painless. At this point, i was in the gown, i’ve got both the external fetal heart rate and contraction monitors, but i was able to get up and use the rest room on my own free will (sorry, but that is important to me.)
Around 11:00 pm Ruth began the cervical ripening, but not without a final trip to the bathroom since I was going to be bedridden (only for the next 2 hours, but still…). She did tell me we have a very happy baby, judging by the monitors. Internal check (for those of you who have never had kids, this is done MANUALLY and frequently): my cervix had thinned, and was closed, as it had been for the previous 3 weeks. A few minutes into the ripening, i sent el Jefe' home. The process was rather like watching paint dry, and they weren’t planning on starting Pitocin until i had ripened for 12 hours. He left and i dozed on and off (mostly off) for the obligatory 2 hours. Once Ruth returned and released me from the bed, i of course went to the bathroom and opted for the 10 mg of Ambien offered to me. It did absolutely nothing. Needless to say, i saw the story about Andrew Speaker and his TB about every 8 minutes throughout my hospital stay.
Shortly after 7:00 am i called el Jefe' and Punkin (“No new baby yet.”) Ruth finished her shift and i met my new L & D nurse, Tammy. Tammy had an improved command of the English language and a drier sense of humor … we got along fabulously. We talked about kids, and birth experiences (17 hours with Punkin; she said she could beat that), and potential names (Chloe is regaining in popularity, and the family controversy over Stuart). She gave me a tray of hospital breakfast, which really was terrific, since the supposed “benefit” of cervical ripening is that you can eat and walk around (and hence, go to the bathroom). With the other induction drugs and interventions, you eventually lose your rights, so i nearly devoured the breakfast as quickly as i could. My gyn-ob showed up with half a muffin to go (i had saved the best for last). Another internal check with no change: my cervix was paper thin, but closed. i was having a couple contractions every hour, but nothing worth breathing about. My ob-gyn opted to skip the full 12 hours of ripening and get the party started with Pitocin. i never did get to finish that other half of muffin.
He started with an amnio hook. The hope was if he could get through the tiny hole in my cervix, things would get started. He poked and prodded (mind you all of this is without a stitch of pain medication) and eventually broke my water. Tammy described it as clear with chunks. The chunks were meconium; Peanut had taken a dump, which was the first sign of distress. Everyone (from my ob-gyn, to the maternal-fetal monitoring nurse, to Ruth, Tammy and me), had hoped that my body would get things started (dilation) on its own, whether from all the cervical ripening, having my water break, or all the internal checks. i was fully effaced, but my cervix was still closed.
Then i had a gusher and lost a ton of amniotic fluid. Tammy tried to keep me calm and optimistic, making light of the mess i had made. She inserted a sort of catheter, which would act as an internal contraction monitor and served to replace the lost amniotic fluid (with a saline solution, i believe). It was one of those “get up on the bed with me and poke and prod and …” well frankly, it felt like she was trying to insert a tree trunk inside me, and very deep inside me, possibly poking through the tattoo on my back. She was incredibly proud when she was successful and couldn’t wait to tell the other L & D nurses of her achievement with the patient with the closed cervix. So went the end of my bathroom rights.
She opted not to start the Pitocin right away, since i had been manually manipulated so much, so frequently, again with the hope that my cervix would dilate on its own. We watched the monitors. Sure enough, my contractions came on every two to six minutes, but without regularity. el Jefe' made it back around this time. He got to witness another internal check. Tammy wanted to give me a sympathy 1, but the fact was my cervix was still closed. el Jefe' helped change my gown and some bedding, and change out the rolled up receiving blanket between my legs that acted as a pad to soak up the fluid coming out and going in. i got a dose of Demoral which didn’t do much for the pain (and humiliation) of the internal checks, but i did start to ask some stupid questions.
It was Pitocin on and off until after lunch time. el Jefe' kept changing my bedding and blankets out of the adjacent supply closet (but we began to run out of receiving blankets). He even offered to get me a bed pan (but didn’t know what one looked like). Sometimes Peanut was fine on the monitors, and sometimes not. It seemed like just when they were making progress with labor, Peanut would show some signs of distress, so they’d shut down the Pitocin.
My ob-gyn came by to see how things were progressing and recommended i have an epidural to prevent the agony of more internal checks (he actually described them as torture). For me, yes, they were torture and worse than contractions. Contractions have a limited duration and can be somewhat regular and predictable. Not so with the internal checks. i felt like they were inside me up to the elbow, and i was frustrated because we weren’t getting anywhere. i think we had passed the 17-hour mark (if you count the ripening). So yeah, bring on the epidural.
i guess i pissed off the anesthesiologist because i wanted to use a bed pan before the epidural. Dude, gimme a break. i’m actually asking to use a bed pan. Whatever. i got to use the bed pan, and i got my epidural. He did a good job because i only had two contractions during the insertions. i think he was still mad about the bed pan, though.
Once the epidural kicked in, Tammy went to work. Operation Dilation. Manual. She got me to a 4, which meant four fingers. Pitocin was still on and off. She had me lay on my left side for awhile. When Peanut wasn’t happy, they rolled me to my right side. When Peanut still wasn’t happy, they rolled me kind of onto my stomach in a running position (imagine this nine months pregnant). And when it was all said and done, they shut down the Pitocin.
Peanut’s heart rate actually slowed following the peaks of some contractions. They call it “facing” or “basing” or some word that rhymes with those. It’s not a good thing. Basically there were indications of distress, but without getting inside, they could not be sure what was causing the distress. Tammy set the stage for a possible C-section. Her fourth child was a C-section. She told el Jefe' i was going to need help at home. Period.
My ob-gyn came back and talked about a C-section as well. He and Tammy talked about the women with multiple page birthing plans. Although i assured them i was not one of those women, i honestly felt that sense of failure. But my ob-gyn left the decision to me, to us, with the caution that there were indications that Peanut was in distress. Roughly 20 hours into my hospital adventure, we opted for the surgical route. el Jefe' donned his cap, gown and booties … all i got was a cap.
There were pissing matches between the nurses over who would be with me through the C-section. Tammy stood firm that she would be there. No one knew who would assist my ob-gyn, but supposedly there was someone available. (i got his bill 8 days later … he does not accept Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield.) (These people actually use the Holiday Inn Express joke a lot, which isn’t funny when you’re the one having surgery.) And then the anesthesiologist that did my epidural was no where to be found (still holding the bed pan against me, no doubt), but they got a team together.
As we entered OR Number 1, they were playing Pink Floyd (comfortably numb). It made me smile. They asked el Jefe' to don his mask. They cranked more juice into my epidural site. They spread my arms like Jesus on the cross and draped me. They started at 6:01 pm. The chord was wrapped tightly around Peanut’s neck twice, and a third time around the shoulders. On Wednesday, May 30th, at 6:07 pm, they delivered our baby girl. i cried when they told me it was a girl. (i probably would’ve cried if it was a boy, too.)
Every child is unique. Every birthing experience is different. This was Lea’s story.
So i check into triage, and fill out a pink sheet roughly 5 x 7 (landscape) with about a dozen boxes for information. They included “last menstral period” and “due date” and how far along i was, so i did not have to go through the agony of the stupid wheel one more time. That’s it. No wonder they let just anyone have a baby. The nurses laughed when my response to “Why are you here?” consisted of “Cervical ripening”. Not a good sign. One of the triage nurses said she never heard it put that way … that’s what my ob-gyn called it; that’s what they call it in “What to Expect” … what am i supposed to say … they are going to put in a chemical tampon?
Labor and delivery triage was busy (el Jefe' kept commenting: “Business is good.”) so we sat in the waiting area for probably over an hour watching network TV shows neither of us had even heard of. My first L & D nurse, Ruth, eventually came and got us and put us in Room 4 (even though the computer was supposedly slow). She started an IV after repeating how my veins were so easy to find, yet complaining that they’re all crooked (because i have valves, and i think the only thing we can blame there is good ol’ advanced maternal age); suffice to say, this IV site was to get a lot of use, and she got it the first try, but it wasn’t pretty, without blood loss, or painless. At this point, i was in the gown, i’ve got both the external fetal heart rate and contraction monitors, but i was able to get up and use the rest room on my own free will (sorry, but that is important to me.)
Around 11:00 pm Ruth began the cervical ripening, but not without a final trip to the bathroom since I was going to be bedridden (only for the next 2 hours, but still…). She did tell me we have a very happy baby, judging by the monitors. Internal check (for those of you who have never had kids, this is done MANUALLY and frequently): my cervix had thinned, and was closed, as it had been for the previous 3 weeks. A few minutes into the ripening, i sent el Jefe' home. The process was rather like watching paint dry, and they weren’t planning on starting Pitocin until i had ripened for 12 hours. He left and i dozed on and off (mostly off) for the obligatory 2 hours. Once Ruth returned and released me from the bed, i of course went to the bathroom and opted for the 10 mg of Ambien offered to me. It did absolutely nothing. Needless to say, i saw the story about Andrew Speaker and his TB about every 8 minutes throughout my hospital stay.
Shortly after 7:00 am i called el Jefe' and Punkin (“No new baby yet.”) Ruth finished her shift and i met my new L & D nurse, Tammy. Tammy had an improved command of the English language and a drier sense of humor … we got along fabulously. We talked about kids, and birth experiences (17 hours with Punkin; she said she could beat that), and potential names (Chloe is regaining in popularity, and the family controversy over Stuart). She gave me a tray of hospital breakfast, which really was terrific, since the supposed “benefit” of cervical ripening is that you can eat and walk around (and hence, go to the bathroom). With the other induction drugs and interventions, you eventually lose your rights, so i nearly devoured the breakfast as quickly as i could. My gyn-ob showed up with half a muffin to go (i had saved the best for last). Another internal check with no change: my cervix was paper thin, but closed. i was having a couple contractions every hour, but nothing worth breathing about. My ob-gyn opted to skip the full 12 hours of ripening and get the party started with Pitocin. i never did get to finish that other half of muffin.
He started with an amnio hook. The hope was if he could get through the tiny hole in my cervix, things would get started. He poked and prodded (mind you all of this is without a stitch of pain medication) and eventually broke my water. Tammy described it as clear with chunks. The chunks were meconium; Peanut had taken a dump, which was the first sign of distress. Everyone (from my ob-gyn, to the maternal-fetal monitoring nurse, to Ruth, Tammy and me), had hoped that my body would get things started (dilation) on its own, whether from all the cervical ripening, having my water break, or all the internal checks. i was fully effaced, but my cervix was still closed.
Then i had a gusher and lost a ton of amniotic fluid. Tammy tried to keep me calm and optimistic, making light of the mess i had made. She inserted a sort of catheter, which would act as an internal contraction monitor and served to replace the lost amniotic fluid (with a saline solution, i believe). It was one of those “get up on the bed with me and poke and prod and …” well frankly, it felt like she was trying to insert a tree trunk inside me, and very deep inside me, possibly poking through the tattoo on my back. She was incredibly proud when she was successful and couldn’t wait to tell the other L & D nurses of her achievement with the patient with the closed cervix. So went the end of my bathroom rights.
She opted not to start the Pitocin right away, since i had been manually manipulated so much, so frequently, again with the hope that my cervix would dilate on its own. We watched the monitors. Sure enough, my contractions came on every two to six minutes, but without regularity. el Jefe' made it back around this time. He got to witness another internal check. Tammy wanted to give me a sympathy 1, but the fact was my cervix was still closed. el Jefe' helped change my gown and some bedding, and change out the rolled up receiving blanket between my legs that acted as a pad to soak up the fluid coming out and going in. i got a dose of Demoral which didn’t do much for the pain (and humiliation) of the internal checks, but i did start to ask some stupid questions.
It was Pitocin on and off until after lunch time. el Jefe' kept changing my bedding and blankets out of the adjacent supply closet (but we began to run out of receiving blankets). He even offered to get me a bed pan (but didn’t know what one looked like). Sometimes Peanut was fine on the monitors, and sometimes not. It seemed like just when they were making progress with labor, Peanut would show some signs of distress, so they’d shut down the Pitocin.
My ob-gyn came by to see how things were progressing and recommended i have an epidural to prevent the agony of more internal checks (he actually described them as torture). For me, yes, they were torture and worse than contractions. Contractions have a limited duration and can be somewhat regular and predictable. Not so with the internal checks. i felt like they were inside me up to the elbow, and i was frustrated because we weren’t getting anywhere. i think we had passed the 17-hour mark (if you count the ripening). So yeah, bring on the epidural.
i guess i pissed off the anesthesiologist because i wanted to use a bed pan before the epidural. Dude, gimme a break. i’m actually asking to use a bed pan. Whatever. i got to use the bed pan, and i got my epidural. He did a good job because i only had two contractions during the insertions. i think he was still mad about the bed pan, though.
Once the epidural kicked in, Tammy went to work. Operation Dilation. Manual. She got me to a 4, which meant four fingers. Pitocin was still on and off. She had me lay on my left side for awhile. When Peanut wasn’t happy, they rolled me to my right side. When Peanut still wasn’t happy, they rolled me kind of onto my stomach in a running position (imagine this nine months pregnant). And when it was all said and done, they shut down the Pitocin.
Peanut’s heart rate actually slowed following the peaks of some contractions. They call it “facing” or “basing” or some word that rhymes with those. It’s not a good thing. Basically there were indications of distress, but without getting inside, they could not be sure what was causing the distress. Tammy set the stage for a possible C-section. Her fourth child was a C-section. She told el Jefe' i was going to need help at home. Period.
My ob-gyn came back and talked about a C-section as well. He and Tammy talked about the women with multiple page birthing plans. Although i assured them i was not one of those women, i honestly felt that sense of failure. But my ob-gyn left the decision to me, to us, with the caution that there were indications that Peanut was in distress. Roughly 20 hours into my hospital adventure, we opted for the surgical route. el Jefe' donned his cap, gown and booties … all i got was a cap.
There were pissing matches between the nurses over who would be with me through the C-section. Tammy stood firm that she would be there. No one knew who would assist my ob-gyn, but supposedly there was someone available. (i got his bill 8 days later … he does not accept Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield.) (These people actually use the Holiday Inn Express joke a lot, which isn’t funny when you’re the one having surgery.) And then the anesthesiologist that did my epidural was no where to be found (still holding the bed pan against me, no doubt), but they got a team together.
As we entered OR Number 1, they were playing Pink Floyd (comfortably numb). It made me smile. They asked el Jefe' to don his mask. They cranked more juice into my epidural site. They spread my arms like Jesus on the cross and draped me. They started at 6:01 pm. The chord was wrapped tightly around Peanut’s neck twice, and a third time around the shoulders. On Wednesday, May 30th, at 6:07 pm, they delivered our baby girl. i cried when they told me it was a girl. (i probably would’ve cried if it was a boy, too.)
Every child is unique. Every birthing experience is different. This was Lea’s story.
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