i put in a full day (my paying job, although i didn’t get paid) on Saturday. el Jefe’ went in on Sunday for about five hours, and worked from home for a couple hours on Monday. maybe he got some overtime; maybe not. who cares? this is how we relaxed and enjoyed our long weekend. ha. what’s wrong with this picture?
i had this huge sense of accomplishment by the time i left at 7 pm on Saturday. i finished three major tasks; collecting and uploading files, some of which were five years old, to hand off a design task to another office (something about us getting fired? moreso, the client does not want to work with us because we are tired of giving them everything for free); a major scope of work rewrite (couldn’t leave on “track changes” it was so bloody); and a complete fee proposal revision and restructuring (base + options, base, bask task 1, base task 2, base task 3, option 1, option 2, option 3, option 3A, option 3B). one diet dew, three diet cokes. it needed to be done, but really, does anyone care that i blew a day of a long weekend? would today or tomorrow or this week have been soon enough?
peanut had her third swimming lesson on Saturday.
we all went to the Best of the West Rib Cook-off on Sunday.
peanut and punkin got some new shoes on Monday.
i think the shoes were the highlight of my (not-so) long weekend.
P.S. and today i just noticed my ads are no longer about real estate or child care in the South. drugs. drugs. drugs.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
quality of life (or lack thereof), part one
thankfully, the olympics are over. now i can get some sleep.
Punkin is on his eighth day of treatment for removal of his planet blister. Peanut is getting her eleventh tooth (molar, lower left side). el Jefe' went into work Sunday morning, much to my dismay. i am making my second day trip in six days down South tomorrow, again, much to my dismay.
when el Jefe' accepted his promotion to the North nearly a year and a half ago, he was told his travel between North and South would be limited to three trips a month. that was a myth. he makes one trip at least once a week, typically two, and sometimes three days a week. he stays overnight at least once a month. i am not happy about his travel demands, especially because it is so much more than we bargained for. he gets on the State plane maybe once a week, so the frequent flyer trips are really adding up. he qualified for a companion pass last year, and there is no doubt in my mind he will qualify again for one again this year. we've used it once, and are accumulating "free" roundtrip tickets at a rate such that we both have ones that will expire and go unused. we don't have any vacation plans on the near horizon and we're too tired for a "weekend getaway" and with all this travel during the week, he has succumbed to putting in extra time on the weekends in an attempt to keep up with his normal workload, so we couldn't go anywhere anyway if we wanted to.
as i am making my second day trip in six days down South tomorrow, i understand why. even if you put in an eight-hour day and add the flying time as "over time" (completely unpaid in my case) and you throw in the airport waiting time out of the goodness of you heart, you end up behind. you kill more than a day. i don't care if you are on your cell phone the entire time, or you're on your laptop the entire time (within the acceptable limits allowed by FAA regulations, of course), you enter into this time warp that sucks the productivity out of your very soul.
speaking of sucking, that is how i feel about having a midwestern work ethic. if it is not apparent, el Jefe' has it, too. it takes away from our time together, the time with our kids, the time for play, and the time for relaxation (whatever that is).
it's not worth it.
Punkin is on his eighth day of treatment for removal of his planet blister. Peanut is getting her eleventh tooth (molar, lower left side). el Jefe' went into work Sunday morning, much to my dismay. i am making my second day trip in six days down South tomorrow, again, much to my dismay.
when el Jefe' accepted his promotion to the North nearly a year and a half ago, he was told his travel between North and South would be limited to three trips a month. that was a myth. he makes one trip at least once a week, typically two, and sometimes three days a week. he stays overnight at least once a month. i am not happy about his travel demands, especially because it is so much more than we bargained for. he gets on the State plane maybe once a week, so the frequent flyer trips are really adding up. he qualified for a companion pass last year, and there is no doubt in my mind he will qualify again for one again this year. we've used it once, and are accumulating "free" roundtrip tickets at a rate such that we both have ones that will expire and go unused. we don't have any vacation plans on the near horizon and we're too tired for a "weekend getaway" and with all this travel during the week, he has succumbed to putting in extra time on the weekends in an attempt to keep up with his normal workload, so we couldn't go anywhere anyway if we wanted to.
as i am making my second day trip in six days down South tomorrow, i understand why. even if you put in an eight-hour day and add the flying time as "over time" (completely unpaid in my case) and you throw in the airport waiting time out of the goodness of you heart, you end up behind. you kill more than a day. i don't care if you are on your cell phone the entire time, or you're on your laptop the entire time (within the acceptable limits allowed by FAA regulations, of course), you enter into this time warp that sucks the productivity out of your very soul.
speaking of sucking, that is how i feel about having a midwestern work ethic. if it is not apparent, el Jefe' has it, too. it takes away from our time together, the time with our kids, the time for play, and the time for relaxation (whatever that is).
it's not worth it.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
my brave Punkin
Punkin had a Planters wart removed today, or "planet blister" as he called it. we noticed it several weeks ago, before his weekly class theme was about planets and space, so i don't know where that connection in terminology came from. i convinced el Jefe' we should at least call the pediatrician before trying over-the-counter caustic chemicals on our three-year-old's foot, and i delegated this responsibility to el Jefe' because appointment scheduling can be such a pain in the ass. after Punkin reminded el Jefe' several times (nagging is much more acceptable from a three-year-old), the appointment was made.
this was only the second time Punkin has been to our Northern pediatrician. the first was for his three-year well-check, which normally does not require shots, but they just happened to have flu vaccines available. i asked Punkin if he wanted a flu shot, and much to my surprise he responded "sure." he got the shot in his leg without a single wimper or tear. he liked the stickers, but wasn't over-enthusiastic about them. he did equate going to the doctor with "getting a shot in your knee" but this was said matter-of-factly, completely without fear. when Peanut has had to go to the pediatrician for thrush or a viral rash, Punkin assumed that she would get a shot in her knee. that's just what they do.
so phase one of the planet blister removal entailed the dreaded freezing/burning process which is far less than pleasant to an adult, much less a three-year-old. el Jefe' was very proud to report that again, Punkin didn't wimper or cry. he said it hurt, and accepted the bounty of stickers the amazed staff bestowed upon him. he wanted to share his stickers with his friends at school. el Jefe' let him pick out a treat afterwards, and surprisingly he picked Starbursts, and only ate two on his way back to school.
i am so proud.
this was only the second time Punkin has been to our Northern pediatrician. the first was for his three-year well-check, which normally does not require shots, but they just happened to have flu vaccines available. i asked Punkin if he wanted a flu shot, and much to my surprise he responded "sure." he got the shot in his leg without a single wimper or tear. he liked the stickers, but wasn't over-enthusiastic about them. he did equate going to the doctor with "getting a shot in your knee" but this was said matter-of-factly, completely without fear. when Peanut has had to go to the pediatrician for thrush or a viral rash, Punkin assumed that she would get a shot in her knee. that's just what they do.
so phase one of the planet blister removal entailed the dreaded freezing/burning process which is far less than pleasant to an adult, much less a three-year-old. el Jefe' was very proud to report that again, Punkin didn't wimper or cry. he said it hurt, and accepted the bounty of stickers the amazed staff bestowed upon him. he wanted to share his stickers with his friends at school. el Jefe' let him pick out a treat afterwards, and surprisingly he picked Starbursts, and only ate two on his way back to school.
i am so proud.
Monday, August 18, 2008
pondering passion, not potential
it occurred to me this past weekend that all these Olympians have parents, and somewhere down the line (sometimes as young as the age of three) someone identified a talent. huge sacrifices were made by these parents (or parent), whether for lessons, or coaches, or uniforms, or camps, or travel to competitions, or just being able to raise your kid.
i pay six bucks for a half-hour swimming lesson. it’s not that i want or expect my kids to become the next Michael Phelps or Natalie Coughlin; i merely want them to know how to swim for their own safety. i enjoy the feel of water against my skin (i’m a Pisces, ya know), of silently floating, and the rare times i feel as though i am gliding through the pool. i hope my kids enjoy that same simple pleasure. at the very least, i don’t want them to fear the water.
for Punkin, i cough up a little over eight bucks for 30 minutes on the Tumblebus. this was my gift to him for his third birthday. he wanted to do it mainly because his friends were doing it; they’re like a little cult, donning their special t-shirts on Wednesdays. sometimes it is the only motivation to get him to school (Punkin as well as me to get there on time). Punkin’s enthusiasm for the Tumblebus has diminished over the summer, perhaps because it is summer and enrollment is constantly changing. i’m not expecting a Paul or Morgan Hamm to emerge from the 80’s era school bus.
but how do you know?
not that they are good enough. not that they have Olympic potential. not that the time and money invested is worth it.
how do you know they love it?
i pay six bucks for a half-hour swimming lesson. it’s not that i want or expect my kids to become the next Michael Phelps or Natalie Coughlin; i merely want them to know how to swim for their own safety. i enjoy the feel of water against my skin (i’m a Pisces, ya know), of silently floating, and the rare times i feel as though i am gliding through the pool. i hope my kids enjoy that same simple pleasure. at the very least, i don’t want them to fear the water.
for Punkin, i cough up a little over eight bucks for 30 minutes on the Tumblebus. this was my gift to him for his third birthday. he wanted to do it mainly because his friends were doing it; they’re like a little cult, donning their special t-shirts on Wednesdays. sometimes it is the only motivation to get him to school (Punkin as well as me to get there on time). Punkin’s enthusiasm for the Tumblebus has diminished over the summer, perhaps because it is summer and enrollment is constantly changing. i’m not expecting a Paul or Morgan Hamm to emerge from the 80’s era school bus.
but how do you know?
not that they are good enough. not that they have Olympic potential. not that the time and money invested is worth it.
how do you know they love it?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
obsession
i am obsessed with the olympics. my obsession is focused: primarily swimming, but i'll watch women's beach volleyball (not impressed with Dallhauser ...) and gymnastics, and track and field is yet to come. i stay up and watch live events on network television. i have seen countless commercials since Sunday ... thank God i have had a Coke in the past 80 years, and i primarily use my Visa Card, and the Home Depot athletes are inspiring, and all McDonalds serves is all white meat chicken, and John McCain advertises way more than Barack Obama.
i am grateful it is only every four years.
no, not two; the winter games are not nearly as consuming.
i am grateful it is only every four years.
no, not two; the winter games are not nearly as consuming.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
it's baaaack
so much for a good thing.
i didn't ride today. i debated this morning, and came up with excuses (Punkin's field trip and a grocery store run and need to go to the bank), and went back to bed. i'd love to say a got an additional blissful 30 minutes of sleep, but really i just laid there and procrastinated starting my day.
i made it through the deep depressing PMS days, so much so that it came as a surprise. maybe it was early. maybe it was affected by my new meds. i don't keep track anymore. i can't handle another child. i'm having a hard enough time with two.
i feel like i hit the wall yesterday. perhaps it was due to lack of sleep because i am obsessed with watching the Olympics. perhaps it was due to frustration with my father. perhaps it was due to stress from el Jefe' being out of town over night.
it is lingering. i feel like i need more meds.
i didn't ride today. i debated this morning, and came up with excuses (Punkin's field trip and a grocery store run and need to go to the bank), and went back to bed. i'd love to say a got an additional blissful 30 minutes of sleep, but really i just laid there and procrastinated starting my day.
i made it through the deep depressing PMS days, so much so that it came as a surprise. maybe it was early. maybe it was affected by my new meds. i don't keep track anymore. i can't handle another child. i'm having a hard enough time with two.
i feel like i hit the wall yesterday. perhaps it was due to lack of sleep because i am obsessed with watching the Olympics. perhaps it was due to frustration with my father. perhaps it was due to stress from el Jefe' being out of town over night.
it is lingering. i feel like i need more meds.
Monday, August 11, 2008
make my toast dry
i’m having issues with my father, specifically with regard to his interaction with Punkin. i was going to say “conversations”, but really what kind of conversation can an 83-year-old man have with a 3-and-a-half-year-old boy when the 83-year-old-man is irrational?
i first became aware of the issue when my parents were visiting to celebrate Peanut’s first birthday. Peanut is their only granddaughter; Punkin is their fourth grandson. Punkin and Paw Paw were outside and Punkin wouldn’t listen to some command or instruction. Paw Paw labeled my son “bad” and spent several hours pouting and ignoring my son. eventually i told my father, Paw Paw, that his job was to give my son unconditional love. it was a strained, difficult weekend, so i wrote it off as a symptom.
the last weekend of July and the first weekend in August, my parents spent both weekends visiting us; we’ve become a wayside for their timeshare adventures (because my father insists on driving everywhere). the first weekend was my mother’s birthday, so most of the attention was focused on her (and they stayed with us merely Friday and Saturday nights). the second weekend they arrived on Friday night and did not leave until Monday morning. my mother was sick, hacking, eventually diagnosed very close to having pneumonia. my father arrived with a belly ache which lasted a day or two. neither weekend was a rip-roaring time, but then again they never are, but i do not recall any specific incident between Punkin and Paw Paw.
as my parents were preparing to leave, they were doting on Peanut. Paw Paw was ignoring Punkin. Punkin pee’d in the corner of the living room. i didn’t make a big deal and got him cleaned up without a bunch of fuss, which is nothing short of a miracle for me … thank God for meds. as we were saying our goodbyes, Punkin wouldn’t give Paw Paw a hug and a kiss goodbye. i wasn’t about to force him to do it. Punkin did insist on waving goodbye as they left. and my father’s parting words to Punkin: “eventually you will realize what side your bread is buttered on.” needless to say this meant nothing to Punkin.
i wrote it off to another strained, difficult set of weekends.
one week later, i’m on the phone with my parents for the weekly obligatory phone call. my father’s opening words to me: “you tell your son he needs to learn what side his bread is buttered on.” my response: “he’s three and a half, and i will not have this conversation with you. we all love you. goodbye.”
my father’s messages have fucked me up for a lifetime and left me with low self esteem. fine. whatever. although he is ignorant of the pain he has caused me, i love him. atleast i know where the negative voices in my head come from. but i will not let him hurt my son. Punkin loves his Paw Paw, and asks when he will see him next. i don’t know what to say. i don’t want to expose my son to that for one second. i don’t care about gifts or an inheritance. my son deserves nothing less than the unconditional love i didn’t get, as it was obviously conditional.
i first became aware of the issue when my parents were visiting to celebrate Peanut’s first birthday. Peanut is their only granddaughter; Punkin is their fourth grandson. Punkin and Paw Paw were outside and Punkin wouldn’t listen to some command or instruction. Paw Paw labeled my son “bad” and spent several hours pouting and ignoring my son. eventually i told my father, Paw Paw, that his job was to give my son unconditional love. it was a strained, difficult weekend, so i wrote it off as a symptom.
the last weekend of July and the first weekend in August, my parents spent both weekends visiting us; we’ve become a wayside for their timeshare adventures (because my father insists on driving everywhere). the first weekend was my mother’s birthday, so most of the attention was focused on her (and they stayed with us merely Friday and Saturday nights). the second weekend they arrived on Friday night and did not leave until Monday morning. my mother was sick, hacking, eventually diagnosed very close to having pneumonia. my father arrived with a belly ache which lasted a day or two. neither weekend was a rip-roaring time, but then again they never are, but i do not recall any specific incident between Punkin and Paw Paw.
as my parents were preparing to leave, they were doting on Peanut. Paw Paw was ignoring Punkin. Punkin pee’d in the corner of the living room. i didn’t make a big deal and got him cleaned up without a bunch of fuss, which is nothing short of a miracle for me … thank God for meds. as we were saying our goodbyes, Punkin wouldn’t give Paw Paw a hug and a kiss goodbye. i wasn’t about to force him to do it. Punkin did insist on waving goodbye as they left. and my father’s parting words to Punkin: “eventually you will realize what side your bread is buttered on.” needless to say this meant nothing to Punkin.
i wrote it off to another strained, difficult set of weekends.
one week later, i’m on the phone with my parents for the weekly obligatory phone call. my father’s opening words to me: “you tell your son he needs to learn what side his bread is buttered on.” my response: “he’s three and a half, and i will not have this conversation with you. we all love you. goodbye.”
my father’s messages have fucked me up for a lifetime and left me with low self esteem. fine. whatever. although he is ignorant of the pain he has caused me, i love him. atleast i know where the negative voices in my head come from. but i will not let him hurt my son. Punkin loves his Paw Paw, and asks when he will see him next. i don’t know what to say. i don’t want to expose my son to that for one second. i don’t care about gifts or an inheritance. my son deserves nothing less than the unconditional love i didn’t get, as it was obviously conditional.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
hell hath frozen over (again)
i ironed two pairs of pants (capris, actually, so it was an abbreviated version of ironing pants) and one shirt last night. the shirt was a stupid idea. it's a very nice white linen shirt, purchased by el Jefe', that i wore a couple weeks ago to a meeting with big-wigs and politicians in an attempt to dress up. that was a travesty as said meeting occurred on a Friday when normally it is acceptable to wear jeans and flip flops. the shirt was an afterthought; i needed to iron the capris because my hanging damp method didn't provide its usual results, and i thought i'd throw in the shirt for good measure, just in case i have to meet with the queen or something.
a linen shirt. that i won't be wearing for days, or weeks. that i will undoubtedly have to iron again before i wear it.
i must've been delirious. i do not recall when was the last time i ironed. it's not that i didn't need to iron. it's that i made do with the results of the hanging damp method, even if my wardrobe was reduced to five bottoms and five tops, since Peanut was born.
my boss made a comment a couple weeks ago about a golf shirt i was wearing needing ironing. need i mention he has a SAH wife? bite me.
a linen shirt. that i won't be wearing for days, or weeks. that i will undoubtedly have to iron again before i wear it.
i must've been delirious. i do not recall when was the last time i ironed. it's not that i didn't need to iron. it's that i made do with the results of the hanging damp method, even if my wardrobe was reduced to five bottoms and five tops, since Peanut was born.
my boss made a comment a couple weeks ago about a golf shirt i was wearing needing ironing. need i mention he has a SAH wife? bite me.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
i'm on drugs (again)
after more than four years, but less than nine years, i am on drugs again. an antidepressant, specifically Citalopram. (i included that link, as opposed to many others available, because it is my favorite source for information.)
i think i was first prescribed medication for depression nearly 20 years ago. my how time flies. i've lost track of what i've taken, and how long i took it. i remember the nuisance side effects. i remember spending three weeks in a psych ward while my shrink cranked up my dosage. i think at that time i was seeing three different doctors/therapists/counselors ... whatever ... it was bad, to the point i was hospitalized in a locked ward. after that, there was more therapy, and more drugs, and different doctors, and different drugs, and one that made me feel GREAT except that it sent my blood pressure sky-high, to the point they put me on something like Ritalin while i was coming off it. i moved out-of-state in late 1996, and don't recall finding a doctor, so i must've stopped taking medication. later, a counselor recommended a gyn-ob to put me on an antidepressant after a miscarriage. i followed through, but i don't remember for how long. i just know that when i was pregnant with Punkin i wasn't on anything.
so i got to the point (again) where i was willing to try medication (again).
so far, so good. not much nausea. i take it at night after dinner and fall asleep very soundly, pretty quickly. i yawn a lot during the day. but i feel better. not great, but better ... better enough that i'm afraid my blood pressure is sky-high again and they'll have to try something else.
and a month's supply is only four bucks. because i'm worth it.
i think i was first prescribed medication for depression nearly 20 years ago. my how time flies. i've lost track of what i've taken, and how long i took it. i remember the nuisance side effects. i remember spending three weeks in a psych ward while my shrink cranked up my dosage. i think at that time i was seeing three different doctors/therapists/counselors ... whatever ... it was bad, to the point i was hospitalized in a locked ward. after that, there was more therapy, and more drugs, and different doctors, and different drugs, and one that made me feel GREAT except that it sent my blood pressure sky-high, to the point they put me on something like Ritalin while i was coming off it. i moved out-of-state in late 1996, and don't recall finding a doctor, so i must've stopped taking medication. later, a counselor recommended a gyn-ob to put me on an antidepressant after a miscarriage. i followed through, but i don't remember for how long. i just know that when i was pregnant with Punkin i wasn't on anything.
so i got to the point (again) where i was willing to try medication (again).
so far, so good. not much nausea. i take it at night after dinner and fall asleep very soundly, pretty quickly. i yawn a lot during the day. but i feel better. not great, but better ... better enough that i'm afraid my blood pressure is sky-high again and they'll have to try something else.
and a month's supply is only four bucks. because i'm worth it.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
my Clampett commute
last month, this is how i got the kids to school (day care) nine times. according to this somewhat user friendly website i saved 55 bucks and 94 lbs of emissions.
i drop the kids off at school and ride another half-mile to work. the trailer actually has some cargo space so i can take my purse and important bag of shit (brief case) with a change of clothes and shoes, and lunch, and a diet dew, and my calculator (see profile), and all the other pieces of paper, and post-its, and colored pens i find oh-so-important that i drag them around on a daily basis. this is particularly important because i am hauling around close to 90 lbs of kids, trailer, and cargo behind a 20-year-old Raleigh Technium (add another 37 lbs) ... so what's the difference if i'm drinking regular or diet?
el Jefe' and i did one test run to and from school the day of the photo. Peanut fell asleep although she did not look very comfortable. Peanut wears Punkin's old helmet ... yes, i'm being thrifty and probably compromising the safety of the elders' only granddaughter, but i have not been able to find a new replacement for someone under the age of three ... said hand-me-down helmet is pointed in the back because everyone knows toddlers need to be aerodynamic. the point interferes with leaning back, so she turns her head sideways (point toward her brother) which he finds a nuisance. fortunately my commute is not in sync with nap time, so the pointed helmet is not as bothersome (to both kids).
the first day of the official commute, i got three calls at work that Peanut had a mysterious rash: the first call was a courtesy call; the second call was a recommendation that i pick up some hydrocortisone cream; and the third call was to take her home for fear she was contagious. so i stop at the grocery store on the way to get her, buy some cream, go pick her up, and coincidentally Punkin is on his way to the lunch room. of course he wants to go home with me, too. so within the span of three hours, i hauled both kids to and from school, went to work for a brief time, and changed my clothes four times. fortunately, this has not deterred me.
i tried a new route today ... a lot less traffic, to the point of being downright lonesome ... even Punkin asked, "Where are all the people?" the jury is out on that one.
i've ridden when it's over 100 degrees (el Jefe' picked up the kids), with an air stagnation warning and threats of stage 2 air quality (lack thereof), and through wind and puddles ... and i'm still not sure why i am doing this. i am saving gas. technically, i haven't saved money ... i'll need to ride roundtrip another 23 times before the trailer has paid for itself. it is my only form of exercise. sometimes one kid or another enjoys it. i especially appreciate the solitude on the ride home when el Jefe' picks up the kids. but i'm not passionate about any aspect of this.
i'm dreading the thought of buying some cycling clothes for fall and winter (i was born without the shopping gene, you know). but maybe my kids will actually get some use out of their hand-me-down snow suits this year?
i drop the kids off at school and ride another half-mile to work. the trailer actually has some cargo space so i can take my purse and important bag of shit (brief case) with a change of clothes and shoes, and lunch, and a diet dew, and my calculator (see profile), and all the other pieces of paper, and post-its, and colored pens i find oh-so-important that i drag them around on a daily basis. this is particularly important because i am hauling around close to 90 lbs of kids, trailer, and cargo behind a 20-year-old Raleigh Technium (add another 37 lbs) ... so what's the difference if i'm drinking regular or diet?
el Jefe' and i did one test run to and from school the day of the photo. Peanut fell asleep although she did not look very comfortable. Peanut wears Punkin's old helmet ... yes, i'm being thrifty and probably compromising the safety of the elders' only granddaughter, but i have not been able to find a new replacement for someone under the age of three ... said hand-me-down helmet is pointed in the back because everyone knows toddlers need to be aerodynamic. the point interferes with leaning back, so she turns her head sideways (point toward her brother) which he finds a nuisance. fortunately my commute is not in sync with nap time, so the pointed helmet is not as bothersome (to both kids).
the first day of the official commute, i got three calls at work that Peanut had a mysterious rash: the first call was a courtesy call; the second call was a recommendation that i pick up some hydrocortisone cream; and the third call was to take her home for fear she was contagious. so i stop at the grocery store on the way to get her, buy some cream, go pick her up, and coincidentally Punkin is on his way to the lunch room. of course he wants to go home with me, too. so within the span of three hours, i hauled both kids to and from school, went to work for a brief time, and changed my clothes four times. fortunately, this has not deterred me.
i tried a new route today ... a lot less traffic, to the point of being downright lonesome ... even Punkin asked, "Where are all the people?" the jury is out on that one.
i've ridden when it's over 100 degrees (el Jefe' picked up the kids), with an air stagnation warning and threats of stage 2 air quality (lack thereof), and through wind and puddles ... and i'm still not sure why i am doing this. i am saving gas. technically, i haven't saved money ... i'll need to ride roundtrip another 23 times before the trailer has paid for itself. it is my only form of exercise. sometimes one kid or another enjoys it. i especially appreciate the solitude on the ride home when el Jefe' picks up the kids. but i'm not passionate about any aspect of this.
i'm dreading the thought of buying some cycling clothes for fall and winter (i was born without the shopping gene, you know). but maybe my kids will actually get some use out of their hand-me-down snow suits this year?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
i'm back, because it is a homework assignment
i haven't posted in over six months. certainly i've had a lot to write about. i haven't had time. or i haven't made time. in retrospect, things aren't so bad except i feel so bad. i'm sad. i'm depressed. i'm frustrated. i'm irritable. i'm angry. the sum of which make me a pleasure to be around, i'm sure.
i saw a shrink today. el Jefe' accompanied me. i probably should've gone alone, but i certainly appreciated his support.
i beat myself up. i hate myself; i hate my life. but i didn't ask for help, or seek out help, to help myself. i did it to stop the deterioration i see in punkin.
i want him to be happy. i want him to be creative. but most of all, i want him to have some self esteem. in my current funk, i have become my parents. i am strict. i am hard on him. i expect too much of him (jesus, he's only three years old). i do a lot of yelling. i am physically forceful. i say "no" more times than not (so much so, that peanut understood the meaning of the word before she turned one). and i am not proud of this behavior, or the affect it is having on my son.
i saw a shrink today. el Jefe' accompanied me. i probably should've gone alone, but i certainly appreciated his support.
i beat myself up. i hate myself; i hate my life. but i didn't ask for help, or seek out help, to help myself. i did it to stop the deterioration i see in punkin.
i want him to be happy. i want him to be creative. but most of all, i want him to have some self esteem. in my current funk, i have become my parents. i am strict. i am hard on him. i expect too much of him (jesus, he's only three years old). i do a lot of yelling. i am physically forceful. i say "no" more times than not (so much so, that peanut understood the meaning of the word before she turned one). and i am not proud of this behavior, or the affect it is having on my son.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
what you missed the past couple months
Well, it’s my Third Annual Holiday letter, and the way the year has flown and all the opportunities (marketing-speak for challenges) we’ve faced this year, it didn’t look like we were going to accomplish No. 3. Hopefully you get this before 2008.January: A very special little boy had his second birthday. We celebrated Punkin’s birthday a little early with my folks, Punkin’s Godmother and her daughter joining our Elmo-themed birthday party. i made another carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and Punkin tried to blow out all two candles. i spent a couple days in Walnut Creek, CA for a Quality Audit; meanwhile, El Jefe was offered and accepted his promotion to Assistant Construction Engineer. That one statement pretty much commenced the perfect storm of 2007. i ended the month with travel to Scottsdale, AZ for the West Region Quality Summit.
February: El Jefe officially started in his new position a week after the offer. His job is based out of headquarters in Carson City, but he is also in charge of all the construction projects in Southern Nevada. We anticipated three trips a month to Las Vegas. None of my doctors could refer a Northern Nevada colleague, so she and Punkin opted to stay in Henderson until after Peanut was born. On Super Bowl weekend, we all flew to Reno to look for a place for El Jefe to hang his hat. We looked at a few apartments that would take dogs in anticipation for the whole family to move and toured day cares to get both Punkin and Peanut on waiting lists (anticipated start date: mid-July). Punkin graduated from his crib to a big-boy bed. Laura (or Lola as Punkin calls her) babysat as we went to our friend Don’s 40th birthday party at the Stratosphere. It was close enough to our ninth wedding anniversary that we opted against another celebration (it was one heckuva party!). Within a matter of days, we officially put our house in Henderson on the real estate market and i, El Jefe, and Punkin rode-tripped to San Diego, CA for year two of my participation in the Pathfinders Awards of Excellence Program within my employer (as a National Committee member, not a recipient). El Jefe and Punkin got to visit El Jefe’s cousin and Punkin’s Godfather who live in San Diego while i was doing my work thing. It was an action-packed weekend. We arrived home from San Diego, El Jefe picked up a U-Haul, loaded it, and drove 470 miles up to Reno on Sunday.
March: i became a part-time single mother while working full-time as El Jefe spent most of the week in Northern Nevada. i spent the prenatal insomnia hours keeping the house picked up for prospective buyers (we had a lot of traffic averaging atleast two showings a week) and cleaning carpets as both Abby and Jenny weren’t feeling so well. Punkin had many sad nights because he missed his Daddy; we all were grateful for the weekends to come so we could be together. El Jefe bought an ice-scraper out of necessity for the first time in 10 years. i had a birthday and was faced with the reality of being a mom to a two-year-old and an infant at age 42. At the end of the month, we all spent the weekend at El Jefe’s apartment in Reno to look at houses with our realtor, Linda for half-days on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Punkin got to see where El Jefe works; he got a balloon from the security guard and got to pet a puppy, so work was deemed a pretty great place.
February: El Jefe officially started in his new position a week after the offer. His job is based out of headquarters in Carson City, but he is also in charge of all the construction projects in Southern Nevada. We anticipated three trips a month to Las Vegas. None of my doctors could refer a Northern Nevada colleague, so she and Punkin opted to stay in Henderson until after Peanut was born. On Super Bowl weekend, we all flew to Reno to look for a place for El Jefe to hang his hat. We looked at a few apartments that would take dogs in anticipation for the whole family to move and toured day cares to get both Punkin and Peanut on waiting lists (anticipated start date: mid-July). Punkin graduated from his crib to a big-boy bed. Laura (or Lola as Punkin calls her) babysat as we went to our friend Don’s 40th birthday party at the Stratosphere. It was close enough to our ninth wedding anniversary that we opted against another celebration (it was one heckuva party!). Within a matter of days, we officially put our house in Henderson on the real estate market and i, El Jefe, and Punkin rode-tripped to San Diego, CA for year two of my participation in the Pathfinders Awards of Excellence Program within my employer (as a National Committee member, not a recipient). El Jefe and Punkin got to visit El Jefe’s cousin and Punkin’s Godfather who live in San Diego while i was doing my work thing. It was an action-packed weekend. We arrived home from San Diego, El Jefe picked up a U-Haul, loaded it, and drove 470 miles up to Reno on Sunday.
March: i became a part-time single mother while working full-time as El Jefe spent most of the week in Northern Nevada. i spent the prenatal insomnia hours keeping the house picked up for prospective buyers (we had a lot of traffic averaging atleast two showings a week) and cleaning carpets as both Abby and Jenny weren’t feeling so well. Punkin had many sad nights because he missed his Daddy; we all were grateful for the weekends to come so we could be together. El Jefe bought an ice-scraper out of necessity for the first time in 10 years. i had a birthday and was faced with the reality of being a mom to a two-year-old and an infant at age 42. At the end of the month, we all spent the weekend at El Jefe’s apartment in Reno to look at houses with our realtor, Linda for half-days on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Punkin got to see where El Jefe works; he got a balloon from the security guard and got to pet a puppy, so work was deemed a pretty great place.
April: In addition to weekends, El Jefe spent a couple days at home in Henderson for the Nevada Streets and Highways conference. It was memorable as the time a prospective buyer almost fell down the stairs and another group got to witness Swedish meat paste (supposed to be meatballs, but the turkey was ground a little too fine). We colored Easter eggs this year with a kit that had aged nine years (from the first Easter the step was supposed to spend with us). Punkin and i spent another weekend in Reno with El Jefe looking at houses. El Jefe had a birthday, too.
May: We started the month with our annual participation in Race for the Cure. This was Punkin’s third year, and he most enjoyed the popsicle he got during the 5K walk. El Jefe was based out of Las Vegas this month, making only day trips to Carson City in anticipation of Peanut’s arrival. Although the Jet Ski’s were for sale, that didn’t stop us from making a couple last trips to Lake Mead (with me as big as a house). Despite the doctor appointments twice a week, Peanut was not showing any signs of entering into the world early, or on time for that matter. i was admitted for induction on May 29th. 21 hours later, on May 30th at 6:07 pm i became Franken-mommy and Peanut officially joined our family.
June: The step finished her junior year at Arch-Bishop Spalding High School in Maryland and celebrated her 17th birthday. Unfortunately, we did not get to see her at all this summer due to the chaos of our relocation. My folks joined us for Punkin’s Big Brother party and Peanut went to her first company picnic. We sold our Jet Ski’s because of environmental restrictions at the larger lakes in Northern Nevada (truly, the end of an era). Our friends from work and play threw us a Baby Shower/belated Volleyball Championship Season/Going Away party. The middle and her family from Los Angeles visited to meet their newest niece.
July: We said goodbye to Abby, our 15-year-old Doberman mix. El Jefe’s mom visited for three weeks to help us move. She packed and unpacked boxes, and helped us clean, and provided a loving third set of hands to hold Peanut while we all were otherwise occupied. El Jefe flew up to Reno on a solo trip to hump the contents of his one bedroom apartment across the parking lot to our two bedroom apartment. Punkin ended his term at La Petite in Las Vegas and started at Kindercare in Reno (he was still fifth on the waiting list at Kids R Kids). In a Jeep Cherokee and a VW Jetta, we three adults, two kids and a dog endured the 8-hour trip to Reno (which took us 12 hours). Missing from the photo (and from the delivery) are the spice box and a wardrobe box from Punkin’s bedroom, including a calendar of milestones of great sentimental value. The former didn’t matter much as our kitchen was probably less the 50 sq ft; the latter just added extra hardship in composing this letter.
August: Peanut was off the growth charts (attack of the 50-ft woman) at her 2-month well-check with our new pediatrician, whose office is located in an old house. She experienced her first airplane ride when we returned to Las Vegas for a retirement party for El Jefe’s former assistant, and even rolled over while we were staying at my parents’ home in Henderson. Peanut started day care at Kids R Kids (two kids, two day cares, six miles apart), and i went back to work for HDR full-time. i officially transferred to the Reno office, but was temporarily located in a construction office (real office, not a trailer) because they had no space for me. El Jefe made seven trips to Las Vegas for work this month. Six months on the market, two price reductions, and good traffic and we still hadn’t even gotten an insulting offer on our house in Henderson. Despite that fact, we resumed our quest to find a house in Northern Nevada with our realtor, Linda.
September: We all went to the hot-air balloon races, one of several annual September events in Reno. Punkin entered his third school (day care) in three months as FINALLY a spot opened up at Kids R Kids. Nonna and Paw Paw (my parents) came for a long weekend visit; we all road the train in Virginia City, and Punkin went to his first movie at the Planetarium (“The Secret of the Cardboard Rocket”). El Jefe only made five trips to Las Vegas this month, and was offered his old position as a Resident Engineer in District 1 (Las Vegas). i refused to discuss it. We opted to dual-list our house in Henderson for sale and for rent, and were able to find a tenant to sign a one-year-lease that just about covers our expenses.
May: We started the month with our annual participation in Race for the Cure. This was Punkin’s third year, and he most enjoyed the popsicle he got during the 5K walk. El Jefe was based out of Las Vegas this month, making only day trips to Carson City in anticipation of Peanut’s arrival. Although the Jet Ski’s were for sale, that didn’t stop us from making a couple last trips to Lake Mead (with me as big as a house). Despite the doctor appointments twice a week, Peanut was not showing any signs of entering into the world early, or on time for that matter. i was admitted for induction on May 29th. 21 hours later, on May 30th at 6:07 pm i became Franken-mommy and Peanut officially joined our family.
June: The step finished her junior year at Arch-Bishop Spalding High School in Maryland and celebrated her 17th birthday. Unfortunately, we did not get to see her at all this summer due to the chaos of our relocation. My folks joined us for Punkin’s Big Brother party and Peanut went to her first company picnic. We sold our Jet Ski’s because of environmental restrictions at the larger lakes in Northern Nevada (truly, the end of an era). Our friends from work and play threw us a Baby Shower/belated Volleyball Championship Season/Going Away party. The middle and her family from Los Angeles visited to meet their newest niece.
July: We said goodbye to Abby, our 15-year-old Doberman mix. El Jefe’s mom visited for three weeks to help us move. She packed and unpacked boxes, and helped us clean, and provided a loving third set of hands to hold Peanut while we all were otherwise occupied. El Jefe flew up to Reno on a solo trip to hump the contents of his one bedroom apartment across the parking lot to our two bedroom apartment. Punkin ended his term at La Petite in Las Vegas and started at Kindercare in Reno (he was still fifth on the waiting list at Kids R Kids). In a Jeep Cherokee and a VW Jetta, we three adults, two kids and a dog endured the 8-hour trip to Reno (which took us 12 hours). Missing from the photo (and from the delivery) are the spice box and a wardrobe box from Punkin’s bedroom, including a calendar of milestones of great sentimental value. The former didn’t matter much as our kitchen was probably less the 50 sq ft; the latter just added extra hardship in composing this letter.
August: Peanut was off the growth charts (attack of the 50-ft woman) at her 2-month well-check with our new pediatrician, whose office is located in an old house. She experienced her first airplane ride when we returned to Las Vegas for a retirement party for El Jefe’s former assistant, and even rolled over while we were staying at my parents’ home in Henderson. Peanut started day care at Kids R Kids (two kids, two day cares, six miles apart), and i went back to work for HDR full-time. i officially transferred to the Reno office, but was temporarily located in a construction office (real office, not a trailer) because they had no space for me. El Jefe made seven trips to Las Vegas for work this month. Six months on the market, two price reductions, and good traffic and we still hadn’t even gotten an insulting offer on our house in Henderson. Despite that fact, we resumed our quest to find a house in Northern Nevada with our realtor, Linda.
September: We all went to the hot-air balloon races, one of several annual September events in Reno. Punkin entered his third school (day care) in three months as FINALLY a spot opened up at Kids R Kids. Nonna and Paw Paw (my parents) came for a long weekend visit; we all road the train in Virginia City, and Punkin went to his first movie at the Planetarium (“The Secret of the Cardboard Rocket”). El Jefe only made five trips to Las Vegas this month, and was offered his old position as a Resident Engineer in District 1 (Las Vegas). i refused to discuss it. We opted to dual-list our house in Henderson for sale and for rent, and were able to find a tenant to sign a one-year-lease that just about covers our expenses.
October: Once we got the Henderson home rented, we found out our tenants in our Hawaiian home opted not to renew their lease (bummer). Fortunately our property manager lined up new tenants in a matter of weeks (phew). i was supposed to attend a Pathfinders meeting in Omaha, but only made it as far as Denver when her flight got cancelled (thanks, United) and had to spend the night. i did a day trip to Las Vegas on Southwest the following week without incident. El Jefe made seven trips to Las Vegas this month for work. In the midst of it all, we joined all of my family at Zion National Park to celebrate my parents’ 50th Anniversary. Punkin caught his first fish (so big, he ran for the hills!) and had a blast trying to keep up with his older cousins from Los Angeles and Atlanta. We started a new tradition with all four of us participating in the Northern Nevada Race for the Cure 5K walk. And we continued to look at houses, many of which Punkin would characterize with one question: “What’s this house smell like?” or “Where’s the back yard?” We ended up buying a new home that we didn’t consider seriously until they dropped the price $60,000 and it ended up being $100,000 less than anything else we were looking at. Peanut was a bumble bee for Halloween, and Punkin was Mr. Incredible (or Mr. Credible, as he calls him.)
November: Peanut had her first experience with rice cereal (a bowl full of mush) and learned to sit up alone (which has become her favorite position). i finally moved from the construction office to the newly expanded main office, and started my transportation empire with two employees (female, i might add). Punkin started wearing underwear, which he proudly displayed to all his classmates (El Jefe said it’s a rite of passage). Despite a couple accidents, Punkin was officially potty-trained and even learned to pee like the big boys! El Jefe did two over-night and three day trips to Las Vegas for work. And over a period of several days, we gladly vacated the confining quarters of our two-bedroom apartment and moved into our new house. It started with a U-haul and the help of two of El Jefe’s co-workers, Jeff and Steve, and Steve’s 5-year-old stepson Michael who provided a constant source of entertainment for Punkin (the adults were entertained with a case of Fosters). We survived with a cooler as a refrigerator for three days, with Grandma from Wisconsin providing another set of helping hands for well over a week. Sadly, the spice box and Punkin’s calendar never made it. Nonna and Paw Paw came from Las Vegas, so we had a full table with all the trimmings for Thanksgiving dinner; even Peanut got to partake in the yams. El Jefe and I endured a five-hour marathon at Bed Bath and Beyond, which eventually resulted in all the window coverings for our new home and an impressive receipt that was roughly seven feet long. Peanut got her first tooth.
December: Punkin attended Samantha’s (an older woman’s) birthday party at Jump Man Jump (where even the adults can join in the fun … a wonderful alternative to Chuck-E-Cheese). The step got accepted to Georgia Tech’s aerospace engineering program and Penn State’s college of engineering. Punkin is showing the same logical, obsessive, somewhat linear tendencies of an engineer which horrifies me … there’s still hope that Peanut will be a pharmacist or rock star as long as we take away her favorite geometric rattle. We awoke one morning to four inches of snow (perfect for snow balls), which Punkin insisted on shoveling once he had his very own shovel. Peanut had her first and second baby-sitting experiences (with Punkin, of course) as Punkin’s teacher held down the fort while El Jefe and I attended Christmas parties for work. i relished the time that i could eat with both hands. El Jefe made three days trips and an over-night to Las Vegas and qualified for a companion pass on Southwest (that’s supposed to be a good thing, right?). And we’re headed to Wisconsin via Chicago-Midway (on Southwest, of course) for Christmas, where the rest of El Jefe’s family will get to meet Peanut for the first time.
With that, it’s time for a Foster’s. i send you all my wishes for a prosperous new year.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
giving up
it has been weeks since i last posted. i've been busy ... and i didn't know that i had access at work, but that's another story.
on Monday, el jefe' dropped a bombshell on me. there are two openings for his previous position down South. the position he was promoted from. the position he vacated in February.
he left the door open.
you can go back and follow the turmoil, trials, and tribulations of his promotion, and our subsequent move ... dealing with the uncertainty of a new baby, putting our house on the market, being a single parent for months, packing, the subsequent move, and my transfer. our house in the South is STILL on the market, and concurrently available for rent. i've been back to work full-time for a month, and Peanut has been in day care a month, and we just finally moved Punkin to the same daycare as Peanut. i'm in a temporary office, although it looks as though i'll move to a conference room in the "permanent" office.
it should be getting better, but it feels worse.
i feel like i don't know my husband, the man i've been married to nearly 10 years. that he was even remotely unsatisfied enough that he would consider a demotion. that he would even consider moving our family all over again. that all the stress and exhaustion i have endured apparently aren't enough.
he offsets my pessimism, my worries, my insecurities. in one fell swoop, these all came back. it feels as though he's giving up. and maybe i should, too.
on Monday, el jefe' dropped a bombshell on me. there are two openings for his previous position down South. the position he was promoted from. the position he vacated in February.
he left the door open.
you can go back and follow the turmoil, trials, and tribulations of his promotion, and our subsequent move ... dealing with the uncertainty of a new baby, putting our house on the market, being a single parent for months, packing, the subsequent move, and my transfer. our house in the South is STILL on the market, and concurrently available for rent. i've been back to work full-time for a month, and Peanut has been in day care a month, and we just finally moved Punkin to the same daycare as Peanut. i'm in a temporary office, although it looks as though i'll move to a conference room in the "permanent" office.
it should be getting better, but it feels worse.
i feel like i don't know my husband, the man i've been married to nearly 10 years. that he was even remotely unsatisfied enough that he would consider a demotion. that he would even consider moving our family all over again. that all the stress and exhaustion i have endured apparently aren't enough.
he offsets my pessimism, my worries, my insecurities. in one fell swoop, these all came back. it feels as though he's giving up. and maybe i should, too.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
a silver lining
so in an effort to try to find the bright spots in my miserable life, i thought i'd come up with a list:
- the apartment is so small and we have so much furniture that we only have to vaccuum selected paths
- we bang into the furniture so often that we all have bruises ... saves on those costly tattoos, and they are not quite as permanent
- the hot water in the apartment is so hot that we don't have to sterilize Peanut's bottles
- Jenny goes for a walk a couple times a day
- with two offices plus working from home, i'm never looking at the same four walls for very long
- i haven't gotten lost yet
- i'm building upper body strength by hauling around the pump and my important bag of shit
- premium gasoline is almost below $3.00 a gallon
- with the kids in two different daycares, we get to experience a variety of caregiving styles ... and the kids are building immunities from all sorts of different bugs
- i'll probably max out my FSA this year because i'm going to have to find a shrink
seriously, we both are gainfully employed, and although we are living pay check-to-pay check supporting two homes, we haven't gone broke yet. everyone is healthy. but i am down, and lonely, and can't find anything to look forward to.
Monday, August 20, 2007
how are you doing?
thanks for asking ...
Peanut is doing well, even in day care (Kids R Kids). she had a goopy eye, even before she started day care. i think she got it from one of the kids at Punkin's school. i have to drag her in when i drop Punkin off, and this little boy named Aidan can't keep his hands off of her. she got eye drops and is better now. her new pediatrician's office is in an old house. it's not as fancy or high-tech as the doctor we went to down South, but everyone is really nice and friendly.
after one month, Punkin didn't cry this morning when i dropped him off at day care. he goes to Kindercare because he is still on a waiting list at Kids R Kids. we just found out there is a spot for him at Kids R Kids September 10. so now he'll have to adjust all over again. it is a pain with the kids at two different schools (they are 7 miles apart), and we all don't know what to think of Kindercare. they are going through a lot of changes in staff so no one seems to act like they know what they're doing. he asks about his old school (La Petite) and on Sunday he woke up from his nap all confused and said he wanted to sleep in his old room (at our house down South). he's adjusting, and i don't think he'll turn out to be an axe murderer, but it's hard for me to see him go through this.
i'm working from 3 different places: the North office, the North Construction office, and home. my computer is in the North Construction office. i spent the morning in the North office, but my boss is going to be out the rest of the week and they don't have any space for me, so i probably won't go back this week. i have a big office in the Construction office, but all i've unpacked and set up is my computer. it's pretty quiet over there. like Punkin, i'm adjusting, too.
El Jefe’ travels South once or twice a week.
it's not as chaotic as when we were actually packing, moving, and unpacking, but i don't feel settled and i wouldn't call it a "normal" life. what's "normal", anyway?
Peanut is doing well, even in day care (Kids R Kids). she had a goopy eye, even before she started day care. i think she got it from one of the kids at Punkin's school. i have to drag her in when i drop Punkin off, and this little boy named Aidan can't keep his hands off of her. she got eye drops and is better now. her new pediatrician's office is in an old house. it's not as fancy or high-tech as the doctor we went to down South, but everyone is really nice and friendly.
after one month, Punkin didn't cry this morning when i dropped him off at day care. he goes to Kindercare because he is still on a waiting list at Kids R Kids. we just found out there is a spot for him at Kids R Kids September 10. so now he'll have to adjust all over again. it is a pain with the kids at two different schools (they are 7 miles apart), and we all don't know what to think of Kindercare. they are going through a lot of changes in staff so no one seems to act like they know what they're doing. he asks about his old school (La Petite) and on Sunday he woke up from his nap all confused and said he wanted to sleep in his old room (at our house down South). he's adjusting, and i don't think he'll turn out to be an axe murderer, but it's hard for me to see him go through this.
i'm working from 3 different places: the North office, the North Construction office, and home. my computer is in the North Construction office. i spent the morning in the North office, but my boss is going to be out the rest of the week and they don't have any space for me, so i probably won't go back this week. i have a big office in the Construction office, but all i've unpacked and set up is my computer. it's pretty quiet over there. like Punkin, i'm adjusting, too.
El Jefe’ travels South once or twice a week.
it's not as chaotic as when we were actually packing, moving, and unpacking, but i don't feel settled and i wouldn't call it a "normal" life. what's "normal", anyway?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
back to school
Peanut started in day care yesterday. we call it school, mainly because of the times when el Jefe's daughter spent a month of the summer with us. it sounds weird saying you're late for "day care" when you're dealing with a 'tween. i nearly forgot her eye drops. i brought a Boppy, just to discover they provide them, so i ended up taking it home. (i bought a new one just to be able to breastfeed her comfortably at school. now i'm kicking myself because i didn't need to spend the extra $35.) i brought her mobile at lunch time, when i went to feed her and found she had pooped through her clothes. and when i picked her up, i was nearly home before i realized i had forgotten her bottles. the women are nice. one of her teachers is very quiet. i believe English is her second language. the college kids who help out are getting ready to go back to school. the other mothers are pretty friendly as well. it's ok. actually better than ok.
a week of infant care for Peanut costs $199. a week of care for Punkin, at age 2 1/2, costs $193. they are at different schools because Punkin is still on a waiting list, and has been since February, at the school that Peanut goes to.
we're getting ripped off for Punkin's care. and we don't feel good about it. and Punkin doesn't like his new school.
the director just quit.
enrollment is way down. it's eerie dropping off Punkin in the morning.
the highest turn-over rooms are infants and 2's. Punkin is in the 2's.
Punkin's teacher doesn't know where they keep the art supplies.
it seems like there is no structure, no curriculum. the kids pretty much just stand around and play by themselves whenever we drop off or pick up Punkin.
the only thing he looks forward to is Splash Day on Tuesdays.
he cries when i drop him off. it breaks my heart.
i guess it made Peanut's first day seem easier.
and her care seems like a bargain.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
same ol' Jenny
we had to board Jenny last weekend. Peanut made her first airplane ride as the whole family returned South for a retirement party for el Jefe’s former assistant. his former assistant is retiring, but going to work for a consultant, and he’ll end up on the same project he was on as a former assistant. incestuous. surreal. we’d only been North 2 weeks and now we were back. and now we’re back North again. i digress ...
Jenny is a border collie mix. she’s a small dog … not a miniature, and actually a medium dog by most people’s standards as she weighs 30 lbs. she’s mostly black, with some white on her chin, chest, belly and one toe (someone suggested we call her “Skid Mark”). Punkin went with el Jefe’ to pick her up from boarding Monday after school.
the first dog out was very black, and very large … a good 3 times the size of Jenny. Punkin’s eyes got real big as he tentatively asked, “Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that no, that was not Jenny but someone else’s dog.
the next dog out was a standard-size poodle. all black. once again, Punkin’s eyes got even bigger as he asked, “What happened to Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that the second dog was a poodle, and someone else’s dog.
finally Jenny came out … normal-sized. she was happy to be home, and Punkin was just as happy she was returned to us without transformation.
this morning, we saw a large black lab. Punkin asked if it was a poodle.
Jenny is a border collie mix. she’s a small dog … not a miniature, and actually a medium dog by most people’s standards as she weighs 30 lbs. she’s mostly black, with some white on her chin, chest, belly and one toe (someone suggested we call her “Skid Mark”). Punkin went with el Jefe’ to pick her up from boarding Monday after school.
the first dog out was very black, and very large … a good 3 times the size of Jenny. Punkin’s eyes got real big as he tentatively asked, “Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that no, that was not Jenny but someone else’s dog.
the next dog out was a standard-size poodle. all black. once again, Punkin’s eyes got even bigger as he asked, “What happened to Jenny?” el Jefe’ explained that the second dog was a poodle, and someone else’s dog.
finally Jenny came out … normal-sized. she was happy to be home, and Punkin was just as happy she was returned to us without transformation.
this morning, we saw a large black lab. Punkin asked if it was a poodle.
Friday, August 03, 2007
the travelogue
July 21
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes on the couch in the family room of my parents’ house. el Jefe’ keeps me company during feedings although he mostly sleeps and snores. It’s the thought that counts.
We were stationed at my parents’ house for the past two nights as all our belongings had been loaded on an 80-foot semi two days prior. Jenny was in a kennel in their garage. Grandma had the guest bedroom. El Jefe’ and I had the master, with room for Punkin on a futon mattress on the floor and Peanut in a Pack n’ Play. Eventually we stumbled to bed.
I awoke at 5:30 am, in time to pack a little, strip the bed, and get a shower.
6:00 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in the family room. After his shower, el Jefe’ headed to the house for the last few items on the honey-do list … mopping, wipe counter tops, Windex the French doors (easier without dog noses), and sweep the garage. I got Punkin going on his breakfast; Grandma helped with Jenny, and we started doing laundry ... two and a half beds of sheets, towels, and a few items of clothing (we did not want to leave any laundry for my mom to return to after their 3 1/2-week vacation in Hawaii … how convenient). I continued to pack and organize, as we had items scattered throughout the 2,800 sq ft house. El Jefe’ left a message on my cell with an update of his progress … apparently I didn’t have service, which I realized after 5 attempted calls and much frustration. (just what I needed, a little more stress.) I was tasked with supplying roach traps. So around 8:00 am, Punkin and I went to Albertson’s to purchase roach traps, Swiffer refills (that we snagged from my mom; el Jefe’ fell in love with them), Peanut diapers, and the coveted dry ice to transport 48 precious ounces of frozen breastmilk across the state. I was completely ignorant in the purchase of dry ice, but after traipsing across the store with Punkin in his race car grocery cart, we eventually ended up with something like 6 pounds for over $8 (which is a bargain if you know anything about the pain and suffering administered by a breast pump). Punkin and I dropped off the roach traps, and I passed through our home of nearly 10 years one last time, and headed back up to my parents’ house to feed Peanut once again. Our goal was to get on the road before noon.
9:30 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in my parents’ house. More organizing. More laundry. More packing. El Jefe’ returned from our house, and now we had to figure out how to get three adults, two kids, one dog, one dog kennel, house plants, luggage, coolers, and leftover cleaning supplies into a 2001 Jeep Cherokee and a 2004 Jetta. Grandma and I were stationed inside with Peanut; el Jefe’ and Punkin were in charge of packing the vehicles. Packing, stuffing, cramming … you choose the verb. We approached and surpassed the noon deadline, but we were on a mission and there was no turning back. We fueled up at the nearest gas station; Grandma, el Jefe’ and Jenny in the Jeep, and Punkin and Peanut with me in the Jetta. Peanut started hollering at the gas station and kept it up all the way to the Paiute reservation. Fortunately Punkin opted for a nap (so I could turn off Kids Stuff on Sirius and tune into Classic Vinyl). All was quiet up to Indian Springs, so we decided to keep going. Peanut started up again right after we passed the northern limit of Indian Springs.
2:00 pm
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at the rest area in Amargosa. A lot of dirt, a couple trees, and two tolerable restroom buildings. Jenny hung out under a tree. Grandma, Punkin, and el Jefe’ snacked on hard boiled eggs and carrots. We all drank bottles of water. And we eventually hit the road again.
We topped off the tanks in Beatty, bought some cheese and cracker and peanut butter cracker snacks, and half a dozen waters. Grandma wanted to drive before it got dark, so she was at the helm of the Jeep with me in the passenger seat. El Jefe’ drove the Jetta with the kids. I think I got about a 10 minute nap. The kids were quiet for el Jefe’ (Peanut slept and Punkin got to listen to Kids Stuff).
5:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes at the McDonalds in Tonopah. We were crammed into a corner booth, with her car seat as a privacy shield. I inhaled a filet o’fish, fries, and half of Punkin’s chicken nuggets. I am normally the worlds’ slowest eater, so el Jefe’ could not fail to comment on my ravenous behavior. I opted for Diet Coke at this point, knowing we were only half-way there. While there was still daylight, Grandma offered to drive the Jeep to give el Jefe’ a break; I returned to pilot the Jetta with the kids as we continued our journey. Punkin played with his gyroscope thing from his Happy Meal. The flying wheels were “airplanes” which I had to retrieve from the back seat floor consistently until they fell out of my limited reach. He called the launching stick his “Super Duper” and yielded it like a sword. Fortunately it fell out of reach after a few minutes. Not long after we left McDonalds, Punkin announced he wanted good supper. I plied him with a peanut butter chocolate chip chewy granola bar (he actually wanted the berry flavor, which I couldn’t find blindly). After a couple bites he decided he didn’t like it and gave me some chewed up remains (after he smeared some of the chocolate chips all over his mouth). I opted to offer him the peanut butter crackers from our stop in Beatty. These ended up being half-chewed and spit out. I threatened to turn off Kids Stuff if he wouldn’t stop spitting. It worked, but alas it was too late as we discovered at our next stop. Punkin tried to remove his shirt while buckled in his car seat. As this is nearly impossible, he cried for quite awhile in frustration. Peanut started hollering, too.
8:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at a convenience store in Hawthorne. Punkin was covered in orange goo (from spitting the peanut butter crackers), and his car seat was filled with crumbs. At this point I set down the law of no food in mommy’s car. El Jefe’ purchased some Chex Mix, which I forbade from entering my vehicle. Punkin took off his shirt. Punkin and Grandma took Jenny for a walk, when Grandma realized she had lost an earring. Grandma reported that after their walk, Punkin had enquired why Jenny sniffed the ground. After hearing the explanation from Grandma, he dropped to all fours on a public sidewalk, planted his face to the ground, and said, “I’m a doggie. I’m sniffing for poop.” I put on Punkin’s shirt by the light of a street light. We left it on backwards for the remainder of the journey (as Klampetts, you can get two days out of a shirt that way).
We passed Walker Lake in the dark.
The kids started hollering just outside Fernley. We fueled up at a convenience store. Punkin asked for milk, and got some, which he was very proud of but wouldn’t drink. He told me there were lollipops in the store, but he had had enough sugar for the day. El Jefe’ and I got 20 oz coffees (and I got two candy bars, hoping for an extra boost from the chocolate). We negotiated the bizarre traffic circle (designed by a former employer) outside Fernley, and continued to caravan to the apartment in Reno.
July 22
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes in a chair in the apartment. Punkin slept on the couch until the futon was set up in his room. He didn’t get to hear the frogs croaking as el Jefe’ carried him into the apartment. It faces a small lake with frogs and geese and ducks and herons and cormorants and even pelicans as we later discovered. Jenny slept in her kennel in the middle of the family room. El Jefe’ took Grandma to her hotel room at Extended Stay America (for two nights; once our furniture arrived she slept on the futon in Punkin’s room). El Jefe’ and I slept in our guest bed, which is our bed for the duration of our stay in the apartment. Peanut joined us in the Pack n’ Play.
Our 8-hour drive took 12.
We arrived safely, but completely exhausted.
There’s no place like home.
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes on the couch in the family room of my parents’ house. el Jefe’ keeps me company during feedings although he mostly sleeps and snores. It’s the thought that counts.
We were stationed at my parents’ house for the past two nights as all our belongings had been loaded on an 80-foot semi two days prior. Jenny was in a kennel in their garage. Grandma had the guest bedroom. El Jefe’ and I had the master, with room for Punkin on a futon mattress on the floor and Peanut in a Pack n’ Play. Eventually we stumbled to bed.
I awoke at 5:30 am, in time to pack a little, strip the bed, and get a shower.
6:00 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in the family room. After his shower, el Jefe’ headed to the house for the last few items on the honey-do list … mopping, wipe counter tops, Windex the French doors (easier without dog noses), and sweep the garage. I got Punkin going on his breakfast; Grandma helped with Jenny, and we started doing laundry ... two and a half beds of sheets, towels, and a few items of clothing (we did not want to leave any laundry for my mom to return to after their 3 1/2-week vacation in Hawaii … how convenient). I continued to pack and organize, as we had items scattered throughout the 2,800 sq ft house. El Jefe’ left a message on my cell with an update of his progress … apparently I didn’t have service, which I realized after 5 attempted calls and much frustration. (just what I needed, a little more stress.) I was tasked with supplying roach traps. So around 8:00 am, Punkin and I went to Albertson’s to purchase roach traps, Swiffer refills (that we snagged from my mom; el Jefe’ fell in love with them), Peanut diapers, and the coveted dry ice to transport 48 precious ounces of frozen breastmilk across the state. I was completely ignorant in the purchase of dry ice, but after traipsing across the store with Punkin in his race car grocery cart, we eventually ended up with something like 6 pounds for over $8 (which is a bargain if you know anything about the pain and suffering administered by a breast pump). Punkin and I dropped off the roach traps, and I passed through our home of nearly 10 years one last time, and headed back up to my parents’ house to feed Peanut once again. Our goal was to get on the road before noon.
9:30 am
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes on the couch in my parents’ house. More organizing. More laundry. More packing. El Jefe’ returned from our house, and now we had to figure out how to get three adults, two kids, one dog, one dog kennel, house plants, luggage, coolers, and leftover cleaning supplies into a 2001 Jeep Cherokee and a 2004 Jetta. Grandma and I were stationed inside with Peanut; el Jefe’ and Punkin were in charge of packing the vehicles. Packing, stuffing, cramming … you choose the verb. We approached and surpassed the noon deadline, but we were on a mission and there was no turning back. We fueled up at the nearest gas station; Grandma, el Jefe’ and Jenny in the Jeep, and Punkin and Peanut with me in the Jetta. Peanut started hollering at the gas station and kept it up all the way to the Paiute reservation. Fortunately Punkin opted for a nap (so I could turn off Kids Stuff on Sirius and tune into Classic Vinyl). All was quiet up to Indian Springs, so we decided to keep going. Peanut started up again right after we passed the northern limit of Indian Springs.
2:00 pm
I fed Peanut for 30 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at the rest area in Amargosa. A lot of dirt, a couple trees, and two tolerable restroom buildings. Jenny hung out under a tree. Grandma, Punkin, and el Jefe’ snacked on hard boiled eggs and carrots. We all drank bottles of water. And we eventually hit the road again.
We topped off the tanks in Beatty, bought some cheese and cracker and peanut butter cracker snacks, and half a dozen waters. Grandma wanted to drive before it got dark, so she was at the helm of the Jeep with me in the passenger seat. El Jefe’ drove the Jetta with the kids. I think I got about a 10 minute nap. The kids were quiet for el Jefe’ (Peanut slept and Punkin got to listen to Kids Stuff).
5:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes at the McDonalds in Tonopah. We were crammed into a corner booth, with her car seat as a privacy shield. I inhaled a filet o’fish, fries, and half of Punkin’s chicken nuggets. I am normally the worlds’ slowest eater, so el Jefe’ could not fail to comment on my ravenous behavior. I opted for Diet Coke at this point, knowing we were only half-way there. While there was still daylight, Grandma offered to drive the Jeep to give el Jefe’ a break; I returned to pilot the Jetta with the kids as we continued our journey. Punkin played with his gyroscope thing from his Happy Meal. The flying wheels were “airplanes” which I had to retrieve from the back seat floor consistently until they fell out of my limited reach. He called the launching stick his “Super Duper” and yielded it like a sword. Fortunately it fell out of reach after a few minutes. Not long after we left McDonalds, Punkin announced he wanted good supper. I plied him with a peanut butter chocolate chip chewy granola bar (he actually wanted the berry flavor, which I couldn’t find blindly). After a couple bites he decided he didn’t like it and gave me some chewed up remains (after he smeared some of the chocolate chips all over his mouth). I opted to offer him the peanut butter crackers from our stop in Beatty. These ended up being half-chewed and spit out. I threatened to turn off Kids Stuff if he wouldn’t stop spitting. It worked, but alas it was too late as we discovered at our next stop. Punkin tried to remove his shirt while buckled in his car seat. As this is nearly impossible, he cried for quite awhile in frustration. Peanut started hollering, too.
8:30 pm
I fed Peanut for 35 minutes in the driver’s seat of the Jetta, parked with the windows down at a convenience store in Hawthorne. Punkin was covered in orange goo (from spitting the peanut butter crackers), and his car seat was filled with crumbs. At this point I set down the law of no food in mommy’s car. El Jefe’ purchased some Chex Mix, which I forbade from entering my vehicle. Punkin took off his shirt. Punkin and Grandma took Jenny for a walk, when Grandma realized she had lost an earring. Grandma reported that after their walk, Punkin had enquired why Jenny sniffed the ground. After hearing the explanation from Grandma, he dropped to all fours on a public sidewalk, planted his face to the ground, and said, “I’m a doggie. I’m sniffing for poop.” I put on Punkin’s shirt by the light of a street light. We left it on backwards for the remainder of the journey (as Klampetts, you can get two days out of a shirt that way).
We passed Walker Lake in the dark.
The kids started hollering just outside Fernley. We fueled up at a convenience store. Punkin asked for milk, and got some, which he was very proud of but wouldn’t drink. He told me there were lollipops in the store, but he had had enough sugar for the day. El Jefe’ and I got 20 oz coffees (and I got two candy bars, hoping for an extra boost from the chocolate). We negotiated the bizarre traffic circle (designed by a former employer) outside Fernley, and continued to caravan to the apartment in Reno.
July 22
12:30 am
I fed Peanut for 25 minutes in a chair in the apartment. Punkin slept on the couch until the futon was set up in his room. He didn’t get to hear the frogs croaking as el Jefe’ carried him into the apartment. It faces a small lake with frogs and geese and ducks and herons and cormorants and even pelicans as we later discovered. Jenny slept in her kennel in the middle of the family room. El Jefe’ took Grandma to her hotel room at Extended Stay America (for two nights; once our furniture arrived she slept on the futon in Punkin’s room). El Jefe’ and I slept in our guest bed, which is our bed for the duration of our stay in the apartment. Peanut joined us in the Pack n’ Play.
Our 8-hour drive took 12.
We arrived safely, but completely exhausted.
There’s no place like home.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
we're here
we are unofficially Northerners.
the packers packed on Wednesday, the 18th. the movers loaded the 80-ft semi (we only took up a third of it) on Thursday, the 19th. we cleaned and painted and all that goes with leaving a house until Saturday morning. we finally hit the road shortly after noon. the 8-hour drive took over 12 hours, with at least 3 stops to nurse Peanut. we arrived after midnight on Saturday, so it was really Sunday, the 22nd.
the moving truck arrived in the afternoon of Monday, the 23rd.
we're somewhat settled. Punkin has had a full week at his temporary school/daycare. el Jefe' has returned to work full-time and even made two day trips to the South. i finally connected the computer and got internet access yesterday.
according to el Jefe', it's all downhill from here (not getting worse, just getting easier.) i can easliy say i have been through the most exhausting experience of my life. i'm not sure my words convey my lack of enthusiasm and depression at the commencement of this new chapter in my life.
the packers packed on Wednesday, the 18th. the movers loaded the 80-ft semi (we only took up a third of it) on Thursday, the 19th. we cleaned and painted and all that goes with leaving a house until Saturday morning. we finally hit the road shortly after noon. the 8-hour drive took over 12 hours, with at least 3 stops to nurse Peanut. we arrived after midnight on Saturday, so it was really Sunday, the 22nd.
the moving truck arrived in the afternoon of Monday, the 23rd.
we're somewhat settled. Punkin has had a full week at his temporary school/daycare. el Jefe' has returned to work full-time and even made two day trips to the South. i finally connected the computer and got internet access yesterday.
according to el Jefe', it's all downhill from here (not getting worse, just getting easier.) i can easliy say i have been through the most exhausting experience of my life. i'm not sure my words convey my lack of enthusiasm and depression at the commencement of this new chapter in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)