giving up

it has been weeks since i last posted. i've been busy ... and i didn't know that i had access at work, but that's another story.

on Monday, el jefe' dropped a bombshell on me. there are two openings for his previous position down South. the position he was promoted from. the position he vacated in February.

he left the door open.

you can go back and follow the turmoil, trials, and tribulations of his promotion, and our subsequent move ... dealing with the uncertainty of a new baby, putting our house on the market, being a single parent for months, packing, the subsequent move, and my transfer. our house in the South is STILL on the market, and concurrently available for rent. i've been back to work full-time for a month, and Peanut has been in day care a month, and we just finally moved Punkin to the same daycare as Peanut. i'm in a temporary office, although it looks as though i'll move to a conference room in the "permanent" office.

it should be getting better, but it feels worse.

i feel like i don't know my husband, the man i've been married to nearly 10 years. that he was even remotely unsatisfied enough that he would consider a demotion. that he would even consider moving our family all over again. that all the stress and exhaustion i have endured apparently aren't enough.

he offsets my pessimism, my worries, my insecurities. in one fell swoop, these all came back. it feels as though he's giving up. and maybe i should, too.